lunes, febrero 19, 2007

Jesus Was a Pothead

This is not me saying this by the way, this was someone else - honest Guv. As I was skating around T'internet my puter decided to introduce me to this site - Was there a whiff of cannabis about Jesus?. Probably a fluke that I found it but perhaps I was cookied. Either way, I read the article and started to think (not the wisest move when pissed as a fart - thought should be limited to "where do I live" and "how do I get there from here").

However, knowing nothing about drugs or religion at all, in the world, ever *winks knowingly* - forgive me if I make incorrect assumptions but I kind of agree with the statement and this is why....

Jesus spent a lot of time trying to convince everyone to be nice to each other. Sounds familiar - "yo, chill dude, the world is just a great big onion" *snorts and starts giggling*.

He got the 'munchies' a lot - "Whoah disciples, who fancies some food? - fish and chips for 5,000 please dude"

He could walk on water, in the desert, where there is no water (that's why it's called a desert) - but maybe it just looked like water, if you squinted and held your head at a peculiar angle - "Dude, look at the Ark thing - it's like totally floating".

He was ok with the crucifixation thing "Nail me to a tree? No way dude, but then I'd be tall like Darth Vader, that kinda sounds fun - I'll carry that big log if you want"

When he did get nailed to a tree he was still saying "Dude, you can totally see my house from here"

He had a gang of fellow potheads who spent a lot of time going *inhaling smoke* "Dude, that is so deep - it's like - er, beautiful".

He spent 40 days and nights in the desert, presumably trying to remember where he lived.

Wise men brought him drugs when he was born "Little dude totally has to try this Myrhh stuff, it rocks".

He spent a lot of time saying "So my dad is god right, and he made stuff, like the world, and it only took him 6 days dude" *pauses* "and, he totally took the time to make sure that spiders had groovy little furry legs that could.......yo, Peter, have a bang on this number, man".

He never got laid on account of being so laid back.

He came out with bullshit jokes like "Forsooth, a roman, a jew and a phillistine walked into a bar and, er, peace ensued"

He brought people back from the dead - "Yo Lazurus dude, move your arse before I thunder you" *Lazarus jumps up and legs it*

He came up with weird ideas for no reason.

When he couldn't find a taxi, he improvised "Dude, look! a totally small horse *points at ass/donkey* - man, people are going to be so tripped when I gallop into town on this mother-fucker!!".

So there you have it, definitive proof. If you don't like my reasoning feel free to send a complaint to the complaint department at 'Whingers are us' - opening times vary but have faith. Faith in the fact that I don't give a fuck and will pay no notice whatsoever to what you say. Same as a normal corporate helpdesk really.

a luego,
son of S

15 comentarios:

Calamity Jane dijo...

I've got the munchies after reading that. Have you seen/heard from DQ lately? Thought she'd be back on the airwaves today.

Shaz dijo...

Oh, Dude, you're twistin' my mellon man. That was way stronger stuff than Pot if he could see the sea in the middle of the desert!

Shaz dijo...

Goth your post last week about having a song in your head led me to post the Frosty the snowman post & now obviously not knowing where this would lead.

Now . . . . I have adsence advertising a snowman fancy dress outfit on my Blog! What is the world comming to?

SpanishGoth dijo...

Hee hee - munchies indeed. No I haven't heard anything from DQ at all. Will try e-mailing her direct to see what the score is.

Shaz -> snowman outfit? How bizarre - but I'm not taking the blame for that one ;-)

Teeny dijo...

'Dude you can totally see my house from up here'

That's genius... Man.


SpanishGoth dijo...

Must confess beer shot out of my nose when that one sprung into my mind. Good job I have a beer-proof keyboard ;-)

going through a tough time dijo...

reckon that the forty days and nights were actually spent getting wasted and set fire to some bushes or something when he dropped his spliff.must copy this page for my daughter's girls brigade show and tell hee hee :-)

MKWM dijo...

son of S !?!?

No further comment, oh no...

SpanishGoth dijo...

I did think about the burning bush but as it was moses, I discounted it.

Might do noah, his ark and his wife joan of ark next ;-) that dude was tripping also.

going through a tough time dijo...

sure joan would've much rather have been on the ark!but hey what do i know, never read the bible and try and stay as far away from church as possible.Thought it was a nice wee vision though of son of god stoned in the desert and would've explained the hearing the bush talk as well if it was jesus and he was that spaced out. anyway wasn't the bible written about 500years after events,i could be right, you know what happens with these chinese whispers. :-)

SpanishGoth dijo...

Not quite - the four gospels, from the new testament, were written over a few hundred years and contradict each other it's hard to believe any of it.

If you want to avoid the bible, try reading The Holy Blood and The Holy Grail - far more informative ;-)

going through a tough time dijo...

good god no had enough of that to last a lifetime. I may not have mentioned it before but i was brought up in a very small old village outside edinburgh. which unfortunately has for many years been associated with the location of the holy grail.No thanks to Da Vinci Code fame, it is now over run with tourists trying to decifer where the grail really is(IT'S NOT HERE YOU FOOLS). Our beautiful 14th century chapel now resembles a fortress with accompanying tacky gift shop.

SpanishGoth dijo...

Yikes - sounds perfectly horrid. I hate grockles (tourists). Growing up in North Wales we used to get infiltrated by the grocks every summer - scousers, mancs and brummies.

Did you get Tom Hanks autograph though? ;-)

going through a tough time dijo...

no but he was filming there for a couple of weeks and my little bro's a chef in the local watering hole/hotel and met him and all the other film lovies. Been great for local businesses but can safely say it is probably the worst thing to ever happen to the area.Imagine it - one tiny main street full of tour buses which themselves are full of americans wearing tartan tammy's! yuk

SpanishGoth dijo...

I don't believe in blowing things up but that sounds like a perfect sound occassion to break the rules.

Wouldn't mind but as someone screwed up the translation from latin in the first thing - the holy grail should actually translate to the holy blood - an entirely different proposition I think you'll agree....