martes, febrero 20, 2007

Stuff That For a Game of Soldiers

Taxidermy - what's that about then? Gadzooks, I should rephrase the question - it is why, not what is taxidermy. I understand the principle of taxidermy well enough. Living thing dies, strip out it's guts - stuff sand or something up it's arse and VOILA - a stuffed dead thing. Why the hell would you want to do that? "Ooo, look at granny - doesn't she look so peaceful sat in her rocking chair". Yeah. That'll be on account of the fact she's dead with half a ton of sawdust where her insides used to be.

People do it with pets all the time. "Ooo look, this is my favourite cat, Boris" - "doesn't move as much as he used to but he likes his daily stroke". WTF?!

I think the Egyptians started it - little rascals. Dead king, lets shove a load of shite up his arse and build a pyramid on his head. Of course, they slightly fucked up with the 'lets put lots of valuable things in too'. Like a neon sign blaring in the night 'Robbers - this way - lots of free groovy stuff!!'. King Tut had his Karma well and truly rodgered when that secret got out. He had to show his arse just to get sympathy from the devil - hence the name Tut-in Karma-Mooned.

What I have never figured out, and quite frankly, can't be arsed to contemplate, is why someone would want a dead 'something' hanging around anyway. It's dead - get over it, and, if it's too big to get over, get around it. When I die, which I eventually will - although I'm having fun evading the Duke of Death at the moment - I do not want some weirdo shoving sawdust up my butt. What if it impacts your afterlife? Slowly wake up to a chorus of blissful naked angels with their baps out singing #take me to the moon, let me play amongst your stars# and....shit, you can't move because your previous incarnation is sitting in a museum somewhere in a jesus christ pose.

Nope, for me, taxidermy is a leap off the cliff of sanity. Feel free to try it if you want but don't come crying to me covered in bandages going "ooooooweeeoooo the parachute didn't work".

"Stuffing sir?" - fuck off and take your 'waiters from hell' with you.

a luego,

12 comentarios:

Tippler dijo...

Stuff and nonsense!

See ya later...

SpanishGoth dijo...

Very good - looks like it could be a stuffing joke day.

Got a half day from work so hopefully should be in 'Lard-Arses' in time to have a beer before we depart UTD *clap, clap clap* - stuff the Lilles ;-)

Drama Queen dijo...

I’m here.

Bro has been visiting. I have been CVing and looking after myself by sleeping lots and eating chocolate.

I’m always having a lurk, just not got time to comment.

Promise I will return properly soon(ish).

And thanks for the mail.


SpanishGoth dijo...

Cool - my little goddess is back and ok. Not so sure about the chocolate thing but I'll forgive. I sometimes like chocolate, but only to lick it off ;-)

Good luck with the CV though

going through a tough time dijo...

previous boss of mine had an office full of it. Mainly stuffed owls and falcons in various poses. never did understand it and was bloody creepy (the boss as well as the stuffed birds) Enjoy the footie and i will make no reference to the other team being stuffed as that would be a rubbish joke.

Shaz dijo...

Should be banned. When I went to NZ to meet Andy's mother she had her dead poodles ashes in a box on the mantle piece! Ewwwww!! All to their own

Anónimo dijo...

What's worse is that it's always "posed"!

I went on holiday with a group of friends years ago. We stayed in a Gite in Bordeaux. The place was full of taxidermy! What stands out most in my head were 3 stuffed ocelots posed on some branches, sitting at the bottom of the stairs.

We gathered them all up and hid them in the cupboard for the duration of our hols. Only to realise half way up the road that we'd left them there!

Actually, on second thoughts, the worst thing is a stuffed fish in a glass tank with fake seaweed or something. WTF?

Shaz dijo...

The "pose" on your picture would be a good one . . .lol

Teeny dijo...

Taxidermy is pointless and weird, unless it's for a museum. I remember being terrified by a stuffed badger when I was little. It kept looking at me!

SpanishGoth dijo...

Hence why I said Taxidermy - WTF? Weird idea at the best of times - plain nutty is how I would describe it.

And that's not a "pose" on my picture - artistic license my dear ;-)

Aunty Marianne dijo...

I used to know a taxidermist here in Brussels. He was stabbed to death, rather a lot of times. I'd make some sort of a crack about how he couldn't take the stuffing, but that would be in bad taste.

My then boyfriend used to insist in loading my car boot with roadkill for the man to stuff. It was hopeless. He was, bless his heart, a DREADFUL taxidermist.

SpanishGoth dijo...

Roadkill? in Bruxelles? Oh well, at least it wasn't mooses - that would have been bad.

I'm quite a fan of how they deal with dead mooses in Canada though. It's actually a job to drive round with a trunk full of dynamite. When you see a dead moose you jump out, shove a stick of dynamite up it's jacksy and BOOM (cheaper than carting them away apparently) - now THATS a job ;-)