miércoles, febrero 14, 2007

Woo Woo - The Gothic Train of Nonsense

***Warning do not read this under the influence of drugs, except maybe tranquilizers***

So there I was peacefully commenting about France, when the question came back - "Spanish Goth: If France vanished under the sea, would Britain still be a European country?". I kind of answered but thought some more and as I was sat on the train and no one was hassling me, I figured I would give it a train of thought answer.

Why would france vanish under the sea unless someone drilled a really big hole and then maybe all the water would come up and then it would be under the sea, except it's attached to belgium and that's flatter but the question was only about france, so it can't be a big hole then, something else would have to happen, like perhaps they made lots of really heavy cheese and that pushed France down but they must have had the milk there to make the cheese and milk doesn't become heavier just because it's now cheese, in fact they take stuff off the top and throw that away, except that it's france and they eat everything, including cows heads, which must be really tricky because it's mainly skull and would be crunchy and probably inedible, but that's ok cos the french like inedible food, just like the germans do except germans eat more and so they're bigger and heavier and they like to go to france cos they can eat everything too and maybe if enough germans came on holiday to france at the same time and jumped up together at the same time, then france would sink and then it would be underwater with lots of french people who couldn't swim and lots of german people who probably would get eaten by sharks, cos they'd thrash around more and sharks like that, and sharks like surfboards cos that's like people pizza to a shark and so then france would be sunk to the bottom.....of the sea.

*pauses for a cigarette*

Would britain still be a european country, i think it would because there's so many politicians that come to bruxelles because they get paid to and they can do shopping, but they'd all have to fly here because the eurostar goes through france which is now underwater, unless they converted it into a submarine which would be really easy cos the A team could change anything into something else like a watering can into a tank with one spanner, otherwise they could't bring BA because he doesn't like to fly which is funny cos i don't like to fly with BA either, so all the politicians would have to fly, apart from the ones who do drugs cos they're already flying and then they could vote to make britain stay in europe and they'd win because there wouldn't be any french left to vote against it, apart the french who could swim really fast, well faster than the sharks who had probably slowed down cos they were full of fat germans, who couldn't vote against britain either cos they're all dead or just inside the sharks, both of which make it really difficult to get into the voting booth, unless they were really mermaids and so they could make the shark behave like a puppet, except puppets don't have teeth and there wouldn't be anyone with their hand up the sharks bum, which is how puppets work except for the ones that are on strings but they have a different name, which is ok, to have a different name cos if your name was sally and you had a beard you'd feel pretty stupid, unless all your friends were called sally in which case you'd fit right in, and that would be cool cos it would be all snuggly and warm, except when it was cold like it is in britain, but that would still be part of europe, unless the french could swim and sharks hated garlic, and sharks have no noses but they can still smell blood from a long way away, which france wouldn't be from britain, just slightly downhill and it would be blue on the map, cos that's the colour of water on maps, and in the sea, and in the toilet but only if you get one of those blue blocks that smells and makes the water blue, and probably kills sharks except sharks don't lurk in toilets, well i've never seen one, but it would have to be really small, or i suppose you could have a really big toilet and call it britain, except that would be like sally but there aren't a lot of britains, which coincidentally looks just like brains if you dropped an it in the middle and so that is why britain would still be in europe cos it's the brains with an it in the middle, and france is submerged like seaweed and all the remaining germans are putting their beach towels on the really big sharks cos they look more comfortable, and the dutch are just laughing cos they're all stoned anyway and have their fingers in dykes or something, which is ok if that's what the dyke wants but she may not, she might prefer a tongue which would be complex because then the spliff wouldn't light cos it would be wet, in the same way that a dry martini is wet, which is a contradiction really, like james bond because he doesn't really bond, well not like superglue does, which would help for bonding people to surfboards, except you dont't really have waves in britain, apart from the queens wave, which you couldn't surf on cos she's in a car, which would probably sink if you put it in the water, which would maybe be ok as you might land on france, but they drive on the wrong side of the seabed, and so yes, britain would still be a country in europe, totally in charge of it's own destiny, looking down on france through goggles and taking no notice of america.

*collapses in a heap and waits to be revived*

43 comentarios:

Drama Queen dijo...

*DQ braces herself for some mouth to mouth action*

Phew!

Happy Valentines Day Master.

XX

SpanishGoth dijo...

Same to you my love - and big Gothic kisses to you (along with a dozen of the blood red roses) *hands over the bouquet and bows majestically hat in hand, in a theatrical way*

Drama Queen dijo...

Thank You!

Gratefully received.

I will email you my woes shortly. . .

XX

Going Through a Tough Time dijo...

blimey i'm exhausted!
I shall also wish all a happy valentines even though today i shall be hiding under my duvet pretending it's not happening!

SpanishGoth dijo...

Always here for you my dear - will do what I can even if it is only to listen XX

SpanishGoth dijo...

Exhausted through what - satans spawn wearing you out?

Any room under the duvet for me too ;-) I might have to collect Valentines though...

Going Through a Tough Time dijo...

listening is always appreciated.who knows eh I may be surprised today (and France may sink). thanks too for looking out for my lovely niece, good to know that she's got some extra support when she needs it most. X

Going Through a Tough Time dijo...

must have been time delay just read your comment! exhausted reading your post, did you pause for breath?. satan's spawn certainly did exhaust me too but I get over that quickly due to the immense relief that comes over me when she leaves.
There's room under my duvet but sorry it's still a reserved space, but made me smile anyway.x

Calamity Jane dijo...

Err, OK. That's what I call a reasoned argument, but my question is, is Britain really a European country?

Drama Queen dijo...

Goth, climb in. . .*she says lifting the covers*

SpanishGoth dijo...

GTT -> np re: DQ, always a pleasure. Only joshing about coming (oo er) under the duvet - don't think mi mariposa would be too impressed. Paused for a cigarette, so I suppose that's a pause for breath ;-)

CJ -> It's reasoned in as far as I wanted it to be. Depends on your definition of Europe. As per usual, Britain want the best of both worlds, want the European Grants and Subsidies, don't want the laws, do want help from the European bank, don't want the Euro etc. For me, I couldn't give a rat's furry bottom. The only reason I go anywhere near the UK is to see my family (mainly the 2 Mini-Goths) and even then it is fleeting.

Wouldn't live there any more than I would live in Sweden.

SpanishGoth dijo...

Hee hee - now that's what I call a Valentines gift *climbs under the duvet, kisses her gently on the lips and starts to stroke her hair*

Going Through a Tough Time dijo...

Stop!! Auntie in the room.

SpanishGoth dijo...

Start again - Auntie can join in ;-)

Teeny dijo...

Good god, is this the effect Valentine's Day has on you lot?!

SpanishGoth dijo...

Surely you meant Good Goth teeny?

Anyway, no - life as mad ass a pineapple doing the splits all the time round here :-)

Tippler dijo...

It isn't called 'The St Valentine's Day Massacre' for nothing, you know.

SpanishGoth dijo...

Now you're just getting jealous there T-Meister *dives back under the duvet*

Drama Queen dijo...

Auntie joins in?

Now that is a strange one. . .

SpanishGoth dijo...

Well, at the time we were only playing scrabble remember??

Going Through a Tough Time dijo...

scrabble i can do, twister's more fun though. you are a bad influence goth. :-)

SpanishGoth dijo...

Sorry, mis-spelt it - should have read scramble ;-)

Drama Queen dijo...

Enough already. You can't flirt with me AND my Auntie - its just wrong.

I'll step down (sadly) she could do with the ego boost. . .!!

Drama Queen dijo...

ps Going through a tough time. . .I know your password, I'm going to go in and give you a nice name. Right in time for Val day. Speaking of which, any flowers yet? Mmm. . .

Drama Queen dijo...

pps, I don't think Teeny stays here very long. Its nothing to do with Valentines day, its usually like this over at Goths. . .

SpanishGoth dijo...

Ex-squeeze me, I was just trying to be nice. You do not need to be stepping anywhere missus, especially not near any scandinavian countries.

In Goth World, anything goes apart from peeps being nasty to each other, that I do NOT approve of.

*Draws the velvet curtains and lights some candles*

Drama Queen dijo...

especially not near any scandinavian countries. . .

Not for all the shoes in Prada!!

SpanishGoth dijo...

Shoes again! Honestly, when I've just found out that Viagra is available over the counter at Boots today, on VD day, first comment I see is you (on CJ's site) saying you'd rather buy shoes. I get back, and bloody shoes again Grrrrr

Drama Queen dijo...

Golly Goth!!

I just got your card. How wonderful. You have really cheered me up.

Thanks so much. It’s nice to be thought off.

And in case BF or the gorgeous butterfly are reading. It was a totally innocent offer of friendship, wishes for sex (from BF) and a mention of something coming in my box (cards, I hope).

Honestly, thanks.

XX

Teeny dijo...

I do keep an eye on things over here but it seems the e-flirting has reached new heights today!

Meanwhile it's all innocent show-tune talk over at mine. Boo.

SpanishGoth dijo...

DQ -> No problemo. Thought I'd make you smile as you seemed down regarding your latest news. However, you have the Gothic view via e-mail so chill, and enjoy the day

Teeny -> Not entirely true, I did delete the Fiddler comment and replaced it with a genuine list, including links so that you could actually listen to the songs too.

Incidentally, the one I would use, I couldn't find the music for online....yet.

Lyrics etc are:-

All about Eve - Matha's harbour
I sit by the harbour
The sea calls to me
I hide in the water
But I need to breathe

You are an ocean wave, my love
Crashing at the bow
I am a galley slave, my love
If only I could find out the way
To sail you ...
Maybe I'll just stow away ...


I've been run aground
So sad for a sailor
I felt safe and sound
But needed the danger


You are an ocean wave, my love -- etc.

You are an ocean wave, my love -- etc.

Stow away ...
Stow away ...

Teeny dijo...

I know - I'm kidding (you made me laugh with the Fiddler thing).

And grateful for your suggestions, I'll pass em onto the Boy for his view.

Drama Queen dijo...

Goth, if there is an ex wife surely there is an ex wedding song? Share. . .

SpanishGoth dijo...

"I Used to Love Her but I Had to Kill Her" - Guns and Roses :p

SpanishGoth dijo...

Just kidding, it was actually "More Than Words" - Extreme

Lyrics be here my loves
and
Music be here

Drama Queen dijo...

Did you really have me in the not less than 200 pound shoe gang?

Away with you.

Today’s current outfit.

Black polo neck with puffy sleeves – GEORGE, asda.
Black skinny jeans – H & Ms.
Black and white dogtooth shoes – Primark (6 quid).
Accessories, plastic tat from my work. . .
Green cape coat from Primark (8 quid).
Radley bag (but this was a gift).
Make up – free from my work.
Underwear, matching, black and pink, again free from work.

200 quid would just about pay for a new wardrobe. . .

Lynx dijo...

£200 for the new wardrobe (IKEA i assume), and how much for the clothes to fill it? :-)

Mind you, I still thought Prada was a Russian news agency!

Old Broad dijo...

Holy cow, I have missed reading you.
Laughing is my valentine.
You're HIFRIGGINLARIOUS!

MKWM dijo...

Wow, have you guys been busy yesterday... I see you had much fun, way to go!

Goth Master, thanks again for the kisses, hugs and flowers xxx

SpanishGoth dijo...

DQ -> I was kidding. Hope you joined the 14% ok ;-)

Lynx -> he's back, he's here and of course Prada is a news agency - news shoes, more news shoes etc

OB -> nice to see you back (guess sliding down your drive on your arse took more out of you than you thought.....

MK -> np my dear - hope you had a good time last night

MKWM dijo...

Not really, Goth Master. I worked until late and spent the rest of the evening alone at home, as usual.

SpanishGoth dijo...

Boo hiss - that's not fair. Can't you play as hard as you work? I know it has the opposite effect on the old bank account but, we all need down-time (eek, bit of a 'techie' expression there, sorry)

MKWM dijo...

I have loads of work these days but it will ease up next week.
If Tippler was on time as he said he'd be last night, I would have had a drink with him and Lynx but... you know what happened. Some other time, maybe.