Woo Woo - The Gothic Train of Nonsense

***Warning do not read this under the influence of drugs, except maybe tranquilizers***

So there I was peacefully commenting about France, when the question came back - "Spanish Goth: If France vanished under the sea, would Britain still be a European country?". I kind of answered but thought some more and as I was sat on the train and no one was hassling me, I figured I would give it a train of thought answer.

Why would france vanish under the sea unless someone drilled a really big hole and then maybe all the water would come up and then it would be under the sea, except it's attached to belgium and that's flatter but the question was only about france, so it can't be a big hole then, something else would have to happen, like perhaps they made lots of really heavy cheese and that pushed France down but they must have had the milk there to make the cheese and milk doesn't become heavier just because it's now cheese, in fact they take stuff off the top and throw that away, except that it's france and they eat everything, including cows heads, which must be really tricky because it's mainly skull and would be crunchy and probably inedible, but that's ok cos the french like inedible food, just like the germans do except germans eat more and so they're bigger and heavier and they like to go to france cos they can eat everything too and maybe if enough germans came on holiday to france at the same time and jumped up together at the same time, then france would sink and then it would be underwater with lots of french people who couldn't swim and lots of german people who probably would get eaten by sharks, cos they'd thrash around more and sharks like that, and sharks like surfboards cos that's like people pizza to a shark and so then france would be sunk to the bottom.....of the sea.

*pauses for a cigarette*

Would britain still be a european country, i think it would because there's so many politicians that come to bruxelles because they get paid to and they can do shopping, but they'd all have to fly here because the eurostar goes through france which is now underwater, unless they converted it into a submarine which would be really easy cos the A team could change anything into something else like a watering can into a tank with one spanner, otherwise they could't bring BA because he doesn't like to fly which is funny cos i don't like to fly with BA either, so all the politicians would have to fly, apart from the ones who do drugs cos they're already flying and then they could vote to make britain stay in europe and they'd win because there wouldn't be any french left to vote against it, apart the french who could swim really fast, well faster than the sharks who had probably slowed down cos they were full of fat germans, who couldn't vote against britain either cos they're all dead or just inside the sharks, both of which make it really difficult to get into the voting booth, unless they were really mermaids and so they could make the shark behave like a puppet, except puppets don't have teeth and there wouldn't be anyone with their hand up the sharks bum, which is how puppets work except for the ones that are on strings but they have a different name, which is ok, to have a different name cos if your name was sally and you had a beard you'd feel pretty stupid, unless all your friends were called sally in which case you'd fit right in, and that would be cool cos it would be all snuggly and warm, except when it was cold like it is in britain, but that would still be part of europe, unless the french could swim and sharks hated garlic, and sharks have no noses but they can still smell blood from a long way away, which france wouldn't be from britain, just slightly downhill and it would be blue on the map, cos that's the colour of water on maps, and in the sea, and in the toilet but only if you get one of those blue blocks that smells and makes the water blue, and probably kills sharks except sharks don't lurk in toilets, well i've never seen one, but it would have to be really small, or i suppose you could have a really big toilet and call it britain, except that would be like sally but there aren't a lot of britains, which coincidentally looks just like brains if you dropped an it in the middle and so that is why britain would still be in europe cos it's the brains with an it in the middle, and france is submerged like seaweed and all the remaining germans are putting their beach towels on the really big sharks cos they look more comfortable, and the dutch are just laughing cos they're all stoned anyway and have their fingers in dykes or something, which is ok if that's what the dyke wants but she may not, she might prefer a tongue which would be complex because then the spliff wouldn't light cos it would be wet, in the same way that a dry martini is wet, which is a contradiction really, like james bond because he doesn't really bond, well not like superglue does, which would help for bonding people to surfboards, except you dont't really have waves in britain, apart from the queens wave, which you couldn't surf on cos she's in a car, which would probably sink if you put it in the water, which would maybe be ok as you might land on france, but they drive on the wrong side of the seabed, and so yes, britain would still be a country in europe, totally in charge of it's own destiny, looking down on france through goggles and taking no notice of america.

*collapses in a heap and waits to be revived*