So having got bored with creating animals, as anyone who has ever seen a duck-billed-platypus can see (aw fuck it, stick a beak on it !) , god created the garden of Eden. Essentially, it was like a little windowbox of perfection with trees and bushes and caterpillars and snakes and talking trees of knowledge and trees of good and evil - basically there were a lot of clever trees.
Next god decided that he needed a sprinkler system so he created clouds. But before that, he got dead clever and made water come up from the ground in streams cos he thought, then the water would have somewhere to go when it fell from the clouds. While he was still pissing about with water he thought he might as well show off so he created condensation and evaporation and precipitation and lot of other ..tions. And satan heard about this new marvellous place and snook in for a quick preview. He decided to disguise himself as a snake as he had overheard god talk about them but he slightly misheard and turned himself into a snake with a fork for a tongue, which was really handy for picking things up like peas as he had no arms or legs or fingers, but was really crap for talking. "Thith fucking thucks" hissed satan - which pissed him off cos he sounded like a twat now he had a lisp.
Meanwhile, god became bored of his water period and so he created man and woman (depends if you think god is male or female as to who came first but usually the man comes first) so god named him Adam so that he came first in the dictionary before Eve. And god gave Eve big tits because he wanted to and they were naked and god said "look at all the lovely things here i have created for you, everything can you play with, except that apple because i need to bonk Newton on the head with that later else you will never understand this gravity thing i created". And Adam and Eve grinned and said "what's gravity?" and god thought 'you won't ask that when your tits sag Eve' but didn't say anything cos he was omni-forgetful.
Adam and Eve wandered round and smiled and held hands and boring stuff like that, but Eve's bouncing baps were creating a problem with Adam's willy. And thus, Adam got an erection and they both marvelled at it and Eve said "wow, can i touch it?" and Adam said "stand back love, i don't know how big this gets". Satan was watching and so he decided to have some fun. When Adam wasn't watching - he was still stroking his willy cos it felt good but he didn't know why - satan said to Eve "eat thith apple it'th thimply thuper" so Eve did and then she knew what Adams willy was for. She decided to make the most of it before Adam could take a bite of the apple and know what blow jobs were.
After that she let Adam have some apple and then they bonked each silly for the rest of the day. Satan laughed as he could do that as there are no S's in laughing but god knew something was wrong and he came back to see Adam and Eve.
"Did you eat the fruit I said was forbidden?" asked god - Adam replied "uh huh" "and you knew I had told you not to?" said god - Adam replied "uh huh" "so what have you got to say for yourself?" asked god. "she started it" said Adam "did not" said Eve "did too" "did not" "bitch" "wanker" and thus god created arguments. god shook his head and banished them from the garden and sent them off to procreate - well, sort of....he told them to fuck off but they knew what fucking was now and it was fun so they did. And lo and behold, they were keen and able (to fuck) so they had children and called them Cain and Abel as god hadn't created spelling or dictionaries yet.
end of lesson 4
(the next shit is really boring as there's a lot of 'begatting' before the next interesting bit)
ps and god said "happy birthday Goth - you sarcastic bastard" and Goth grinned, flipped the bird to the bearded one and buggered off to get pissed.....