jueves, marzo 01, 2007

Digging Up The Dead

Yeah, I know, it's not big and it's not clever but, sometimes it's necessary. How would they make series like Crime Scene *some city in America* without it?. And people like to watch it and find out why a person is dead even though it's fairly obvious because if an elephant landed on your head it would hurt, at first, well microseconds and then you'd be dead. But this gives them the chance to make some pithy remark like "well I guess that was a fatal trunk call".

Then they get 50 minutes to explain why an elephant was able to fall from the sky and use lots of jokes about having heard of it raining cats and dogs but this is taking the piss a bit. Sooner or later, some bizarre reason will come to light about a tornado that ripped through a nearby town and scooped the elephant up and up and up but sooner or later the tornado ran out of power and then gravity took over and thus the elephant hurtled toward the ground like a really big, grey hailstone and Mr Unlucky just happened to be walking to the shop when SPLAT - and that's what happened. And then they can say something equally stupid like "Tusk, tusk - who'd have thought an elephant could fly?" and maybe a couple of direct rip offs from Dumbo like "I've seen a housefly and I've seen a dragonfly, but I've never seen an elephant fly". Cue theme music.

In real life (or real death) it's nowhere near as interesting. Dead people are dead - it's kind of the definition of dead, not alive anymore etc. So they put them in a big freezer, like frozen peas, except they're not peas, they were people, and they had feelings but peas only had roots, and leaves etc.

So, a true story to illustrate why death is not funny. Father Goth was a policeman and one of the first things they do is take you into the mortuary and show you a dead body and try to get you accustomed to the smell of death. One of the officers used to like to get put into the freezer, which is actually just shelves, not compartments as you would imagine. So he would get in alongside the really dead people and when the time came, the coroner would pull out said officer to show the new recruits their first dead person at which point PC Practical Joke would sit up and shout "BOO" which usually had the desired effect of causing people to scream or run away or something else (part of the fight or flight reaction).

Anyway, the first female officer had been recruited and PC PJ wanted to do the same trick. The other officers were extremely doubtful as to how good an idea this was but he insisted. So eventually, PC PJ is put in the freezer and lies their in the sub zero temperature alongside 5 or 6 dead bodies waiting to play his joke. Five minutes elapse and no one comes to open the drawer, then ten minutes and still nothing. PJ is starting to shiver now but another five minutes pass and still no activity. Finally after twenty minutes, the body next to him announces "Fucking hell, it's cold in here isn't it mate!!"

They eventually managed to stop PC Practical Joke from screaming but the effect was enough to put him on sick leave for 6 months.

Moral of the story - leave the dead alone, they probably earned it.

a luego,
S

15 comentarios:

Drama Queen dijo...

Yikes. I feel cold just tuning into that story.

So your Dad was a Police man? Must have made for some interesing growing up stories. . .

SpanishGoth dijo...

Dad was and little bro still is although little bro is arresting hobbits in NZ at the moment.

Yes, quite a few stories and quite a few escapes from trouble thanks to dad being on the force :-)

Old Broad (going back to Hill soon) dijo...

I hear that. Only bro is cop in Dallas. Oh, the stories he can tell.
Did you have a good birthday? Were you naughty? Details, please.

SpanishGoth dijo...

Nice birthday, nice boy, well behaved, nice alcohol, nice curry and then...... *winks and disappears*

Drama Queen dijo...
Este comentario ha sido eliminado por el autor.
Drama Queen dijo...

As revealed over at mine. . .

OK. I did it.

Editor’s notes: The reason Potbelly is mentioned twice is because my i-pod is jammed with every one of their songs. And they always come up. Sometimes three times in a row. There is a reason for this and to better serve identity protection I will email you it.

Know that I also share i-tunes with Boyfriend.


In order of appearance.

*Cringe*

Frontline – Captain

America – Razorlight

Robin Hood – Ocean Colour Scene

Cocaine Currency – Potbelly

Bullet the blue sky – U2

Eskimo – Damien Rice

Keep On Smiling – Potbelly (again)

Let it Roll – Train

Rhazel - Human Beat Box (WTF? This is my embarrassing one – but it IS very impressive, forgot this was on it)

Everything You Want – Vertical Horizon

Now your turn!

Drama Queen dijo...

Remember this is a SNIPPET of a few hundred songs! Don't hold my main-streamness against me. . .

Drama Queen dijo...

Ok: You, elisabeth, craic girl, CJ and SH. Done. Before anyone else gets their hands on our bloggy friends. . .

Teeny dijo...

Ohh, that's evil genius! He fully deserved it though, for scaring the new recruits...

SpanishGoth dijo...

I know - I wish I could have been there to see it....not as one of the dead people obviously - that would be a stupid wish...

Shameless dijo...

I don't think I have 5 more blog friends that I can tag that haven't already been... Eek

going through a tough time dijo...

gross my dad was also a policeman and sure he got great fun out of freaking us out with his tales of bodies(was a particularly disgusting one with an old woman, an electric blanket and why my dad went off sausages for a lifetime!)

I got tagged! and my list is over on DQ's for scrutiny. It is also shared with my husband. My bloggy circle is you lot so afraid i don't have 5 more to tag but you may have hit on something. We used to play IPOD roulette in the house when everyone had their MP3 and you each had to take a turn to pick 2 or 3 songs which would then be completely ripped apart by everyone else in the room(or rarely praised). best played when drunk as you're selections become more sentimental and definitely more crap!

bananas62 dijo...

I bet conversations around the dinner table at your house were very grossly interesting!!!! :-)

happy anniversary of your birth? too......

SpanishGoth dijo...

Shameless -> get some invisible friends....they're great ;-) alternatively just tag anyone

GTaTT -> I've got a better one about an old dear but I'll save it for a post - too funny to just put in a comment......

Bananas -> never really did that conversations round the dinner table thing - stories kind of emerged later when I was old enough to go to the pub....long story

Aunty Marianne dijo...

My cousin did that when he was a hospital porter.

I think they do it everywhere people work with bodies.

BOOOO!