If a Tree Falls in a Forest

If a tree falls in a forest and no-one is there - does it make any noise? *pauses for effect* Like who should give a shit. "oooo I'm falling, save me Ivy" *SPLAT* - too late ! and there goes another 'tree-hugger' who couldn't catch. What is the point of these inane questions? Who cares..........seriously, who gives a shit, apart from everyone - otherwise they would explode like a big poo bomb, which would be smelly and umbrellas wouldn't protect you, unless it was squidgy poo or squirty poo and then the umbrella might work, maybe, but it would still smell, unless it smelt of roses ('fell in shit and came out smelling of roses' type poo).

Anyway, I digress. I looked again at 'The Little Book of Calm' available from all good hippy-shops and 'Am-I-stoned.com'. Oh this book is good......for a laugh.

A smile relaxes all the major facial muscles. It also sets off an emotional chain reaction that invariably helps you feel good. Now, replace the word 'smile' with 'fart' and I defy you not to laugh.

Fish are relaxing because they move so slowly and breathe slowly - watching them is like gazing on a seascape - yeah well, fuck-wit, explain pirahnas then.

One of the most pleasurable exercises around, uninhibited dancing distracts even the most commited worrier First, most pleasurable exercise involves sex and any biologist can tell you that, second, if your plane is about to crash into a mountain, some fucker doing a jig in the aisle is not really going to distract you. #The hills are alive with the sound of..#

Sea air, salt water and the sound of waves - all contribute to a growing sense of calm - unless, it's the sound of big waves, really fucking big waves and then you abandon calm and run like your arse is on fire. "Oh look Tsunami", "cool, could I have that on rye bread please" DOH

Put aside a certain amount of time each day - at the same time each day - which you devote to sorting through your worries - that's a really long-arsed way to describe work. 'Same day, different shit' is a bit more accurate I think.

Pretend it's Saturday - yeah, top advice there then, for the calming influence on people who work on saturdays, have to pay bills on saturday or have to deal with their ex-partners on saturdays. Oh, I'm so relaxed.......NOT grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

Apparently, the Little Book of Calm doesn't do it for me.

Scheiss passiert,
S

'ps for bible tales, vote now -> Samson & Delilah (A), John the Baptist (B) or Moses (C) '
Currently votes are :-
Samson & Delilah = 3
John the Baptist = 4
Moses = 5

Your vote counts......it's gonna get more notice than voting for real (that's fucking true)