lunes, marzo 05, 2007

Insane Academy

So, you have this 'reality' TV show called Fame Academy where some talentless turds attempt to prove how talented they are - boring. If you, as a TV producer, are going to make a new TV show using untrained monkeys on acid, at least make it entertaining. Hence I suggest, Insane Academy. Oh yes, let's do it like the 'artist formerly known as you short-arsed twat' would say, LETS GO CRAZY.

Thus, in creating such a show you would first require a panel of judges - suitably nuts in their own way and doped up on lithium or something. And, as it's Insane Academy, you would need qualified judges - shit wouldn't work otherwise. Ergo, the list of nominees is:-

George (if you can't spell it, bomb it) Bush
Tony (sorry, my heads so far up Bush's arse I can't hear you) Blair
Mohammed (I will win the war by blowing myself up) Biscuit Tin
Michael (I shag monkeys and don't care cos I've got a glove) Jackson
Victoria (do I look like a twiglet with lipstick) Becham
Ronald (pile of shite in a bap) McDonald
Charlton (lets all have guns and kill, kill, kill) Heston
Prince (I like hugging trees and women who look like horses) Charles

Come on in and vote, simple enough really, just pick a panel of judges who have the IQ of a Pot Noodle and the common sense of a grapefruit - mmm juicy.

Once the panel is selected, the search begins for the real fuck-wits. Then, some time later, after we've honed it down to the real wankers with class (kind of masturbating hippos on rollerskates, with blindfolds) we'll give them a name like, government. Then we all sit back and watch as they show how inept they can really be whilst generally fucking with everyone elses life. On Pay-Per-View, you can also see behind the scenes footage of how they take backhanders, front-benchers and cucumbers up the arse whilst studying the terms to use to pretend that they once had a spliff, and thus are totally cool.

# TV clip #
hippy - "totally wicked skank man"
contestant - "yes, I agree - jolly smelly furry animals aren't they"

hippy - "have a bang on this number man"
contestant - *bops him on the head* "jolly relaxing, bit like fox hunting really"

hippy - *snorts whilst attempting to inhale*
contestant - "thankyou, I too think my mother looks like a pig, but she is jolly good in bed"

And just think, greedy bastard TV people, you can have variations on Insane Academy - 'You're out of Your Tree -amy', 'Fucking Loopy', 'Talking Bollocks' and my personal favourite - 'I'm Sorry, I appear to have eaten my underpants'.

Then again, fuck it, stupid idea, ban it, ban governments - they may seriously damage your health.

*drifts away like a dreamy bar of chocolate on a radiator*

10 comentarios:

Drama Queen dijo...

Yeah first. Quite right considering I've been demoted to the bottom of your blog pile. Is this to get me back for your sudden and unexplained disappearance from my palace?

HA

*walks away without letting you finish*

Teeny dijo...

Not a fan of the Academy then?! It's (marginally) better than X Factor given that Simon Cowell isn't in it... But still dire.

I'd rather read a book. Or stick pins under my fingernails.

Teeny dijo...

PS - At least you're ON the blogroll Queenie.

#sniff#

SpanishGoth dijo...

Girls, girls, girls - ha, forgot what I was going to say then. Always happens when I start thinking about girls mmmmmmmmm

If the bloggy thing would work properly I would change both but it's playing silly buggers today.

Promise *blows a kiss to each*

going through a tough time dijo...

Goth thank you for the sugar in petrol tank note I shall definitely try it out. He lives in an area where the local kids would be very likely to do that so i'd never get caught hee hee. On a more serious note I've left a note for all my blogger friends on DQ's page.Please read thanks. big hugs xx

SpanishGoth dijo...

You are doing the right thing and I wish you all the luck in the world. I'm not going anywhere, well apart from Spain on Friday etc.

You are more than welcome in Goth World anytime, you don't even have to come clothed either ;-)

*hands over a bouquet of flowers (like these) and waits for her to turn around so he can pinch her very cute bottom*

WOO HOO and take these Gothic hugs with you ** HUGS **

Shaz dijo...

Goth you forgot two very important essential Insane Academy contestants . . . the most annoying people ever to hit our ickle boxes in the corner of the room. . . . Ms Venessa Phlegm herself (aptly named by Claire @ A Little Piece of Me) & Tara Pyjama Tomkinson (as named by Chris Moyles). No more rality TV I say . . . ever. Lets start a protest/riot/mud slinging match/petition anything for no more shit TV

phoenix dijo...

*phoenix receives her bouquet graciously and cheekily turns her pert little botty round, then runs off laughing before he can grab it*
Thank you and i promise to keep you all up to date on progress.xx

SpanishGoth dijo...

Bizarrely enough, I never watch it so I don't know who's on it but I know enough to know, I don't want to watch it.

Phoenix -> Wow a name change. Whoever thought that name up must have given it some thought ;-)

Mr Farty dijo...

Forgot to finish drinking tea before reading your post. When will I ever learn? (Never)

I voted every week to get rid of the Irish Twat off Fame Academy the first time round, but at the end of the series there he was, still presenting it. And now Cat's taken Uncle Sam's nickel, there's no point watching it.