Insane Academy

So, you have this 'reality' TV show called Fame Academy where some talentless turds attempt to prove how talented they are - boring. If you, as a TV producer, are going to make a new TV show using untrained monkeys on acid, at least make it entertaining. Hence I suggest, Insane Academy. Oh yes, let's do it like the 'artist formerly known as you short-arsed twat' would say, LETS GO CRAZY.

Thus, in creating such a show you would first require a panel of judges - suitably nuts in their own way and doped up on lithium or something. And, as it's Insane Academy, you would need qualified judges - shit wouldn't work otherwise. Ergo, the list of nominees is:-

George (if you can't spell it, bomb it) Bush
Tony (sorry, my heads so far up Bush's arse I can't hear you) Blair
Mohammed (I will win the war by blowing myself up) Biscuit Tin
Michael (I shag monkeys and don't care cos I've got a glove) Jackson
Victoria (do I look like a twiglet with lipstick) Becham
Ronald (pile of shite in a bap) McDonald
Charlton (lets all have guns and kill, kill, kill) Heston
Prince (I like hugging trees and women who look like horses) Charles

Come on in and vote, simple enough really, just pick a panel of judges who have the IQ of a Pot Noodle and the common sense of a grapefruit - mmm juicy.

Once the panel is selected, the search begins for the real fuck-wits. Then, some time later, after we've honed it down to the real wankers with class (kind of masturbating hippos on rollerskates, with blindfolds) we'll give them a name like, government. Then we all sit back and watch as they show how inept they can really be whilst generally fucking with everyone elses life. On Pay-Per-View, you can also see behind the scenes footage of how they take backhanders, front-benchers and cucumbers up the arse whilst studying the terms to use to pretend that they once had a spliff, and thus are totally cool.

# TV clip #
hippy - "totally wicked skank man"
contestant - "yes, I agree - jolly smelly furry animals aren't they"

hippy - "have a bang on this number man"
contestant - *bops him on the head* "jolly relaxing, bit like fox hunting really"

hippy - *snorts whilst attempting to inhale*
contestant - "thankyou, I too think my mother looks like a pig, but she is jolly good in bed"

And just think, greedy bastard TV people, you can have variations on Insane Academy - 'You're out of Your Tree -amy', 'Fucking Loopy', 'Talking Bollocks' and my personal favourite - 'I'm Sorry, I appear to have eaten my underpants'.

Then again, fuck it, stupid idea, ban it, ban governments - they may seriously damage your health.

*drifts away like a dreamy bar of chocolate on a radiator*