Guest Blogger - Frederic the Fox

Cunning As a Fox

So, as I stealthily weigh up the pros and cons of *looks left and right* approaching the chicks, I've gone a little fuzzy. It's this new 'badger-aroma' shampoo that's playing havoc with my furry bits. It looked ok on the advert on Fox TV, was even endorsed by Sir Michael J of Fox before he went back to the future, past, present - oh, I don't bloody know. He went somewhere with a nutty professor. Anyway, I have to get back to reality and become a little smoother.

Humans are a curious lot *grins in a foxy fashion*. As I spend my time on night patrol, I peer in through the windows and I see the strangest of things. The antics they get up to can at best be described as weird and at worst, well, positively bizarre. They don't seem to have the mating game sorted out at all. Just when you think they're going to get funky, they run away shouting, well panting more, "upstairs - now". I don't know what a stair is but... I mean what's the point of all that nuzzling if they never get round to the best bit? I think they could definitely use some lessons in the finer arts of poking.

At least the toffee nosed twits in the UK have been banned from hunting me now, which is only right - #TA DAAA# *runs for cover out of habit*

*peering round corner whispering* "Is it safe to come out yet?" - eek! must sound like George Michael in a public toilet. Ok, it's safe now. So the point is, I have this cunning behaviour label to live up to. Friends say to me "You're as cunning as a fox" to which I can only reply, "Well, thanks but I am actually a fox". It's difficult to imagine being foxy if you're human I suppose but to me it's first nature. Even the one true human god, El Hendrix did a number called 'Foxy Lady'.

I've taken quite an interest in sports - although I don't really know what the different ones are but, I should announce my affiliation to a team whose name involves foxes or cubs?, that's the correct way? *licks paws while thinking*. That could be any of those teams where they play fetch with the ball instead of the stick - where one human throws a ball, another twats it with a stick and the remaining humans run around in circles. I guess I'll support any suitable team like redskins, cubs, bears, foxes. Do they have Fox Beckham playing for them? I used to get a lot of nice scraps round their place. I miss that little rascal. Don't miss his wife - the twiglet, you can keep - all that Spice Grrrrls salad NO thank you. Do I look like a rabbit? No I bloody well don't, but I do like to eat them. And all that yapping about going to make it big in hollywood, hollywood is just so shallow they just might fall for it.

I used to watch TV whilst dining on those buckets of chicken they used to throw out. There was a lot of the X-Files on, which was nice as there was the ultimate fox, Fox Mulder. Not only did he get to bonk Scully and make her pregnant, he went on to get kidnapped by aliens - got away, taken by death - got away, couldn't act - got away with it. Jeez, the boy was Teflon Man (Non-stick in a greasy world). Oops, perhaps I've blown his cover now. The truth is out there - #widdly widdly woo - da da da da dee da#

Well, logically if Mulder can do it, it must be my turn at the trough of love?!!! It would be nice to have a fox-lette to curl up next to. To share a nice chicken dinner, poach a few eggs, take the piss out of a farmer and run off into the night. Spread a little love and maybe even make a few baby foxes with - hell, I've got a few years left to practice so I'm not getting hitched just yet. *cowers down*


"It's ok dude - only me" *Frederic rises again* "thanks for stopping by and sharing". "No problem Gothic One, it was Horace that wee-mailed me to say what you were doing and I had to participate". "Thankyou kindly young sir, and have a nice day". *Pats his new friend and leaves the room*