lunes, marzo 19, 2007

Guest Blogger - Frederic the Fox

Cunning As a Fox

So, as I stealthily weigh up the pros and cons of *looks left and right* approaching the chicks, I've gone a little fuzzy. It's this new 'badger-aroma' shampoo that's playing havoc with my furry bits. It looked ok on the advert on Fox TV, was even endorsed by Sir Michael J of Fox before he went back to the future, past, present - oh, I don't bloody know. He went somewhere with a nutty professor. Anyway, I have to get back to reality and become a little smoother.

Humans are a curious lot *grins in a foxy fashion*. As I spend my time on night patrol, I peer in through the windows and I see the strangest of things. The antics they get up to can at best be described as weird and at worst, well, positively bizarre. They don't seem to have the mating game sorted out at all. Just when you think they're going to get funky, they run away shouting, well panting more, "upstairs - now". I don't know what a stair is but... I mean what's the point of all that nuzzling if they never get round to the best bit? I think they could definitely use some lessons in the finer arts of poking.

At least the toffee nosed twits in the UK have been banned from hunting me now, which is only right - #TA DAAA# *runs for cover out of habit*

*peering round corner whispering* "Is it safe to come out yet?" - eek! must sound like George Michael in a public toilet. Ok, it's safe now. So the point is, I have this cunning behaviour label to live up to. Friends say to me "You're as cunning as a fox" to which I can only reply, "Well, thanks but I am actually a fox". It's difficult to imagine being foxy if you're human I suppose but to me it's first nature. Even the one true human god, El Hendrix did a number called 'Foxy Lady'.

I've taken quite an interest in sports - although I don't really know what the different ones are but, I should announce my affiliation to a team whose name involves foxes or cubs?, that's the correct way? *licks paws while thinking*. That could be any of those teams where they play fetch with the ball instead of the stick - where one human throws a ball, another twats it with a stick and the remaining humans run around in circles. I guess I'll support any suitable team like redskins, cubs, bears, foxes. Do they have Fox Beckham playing for them? I used to get a lot of nice scraps round their place. I miss that little rascal. Don't miss his wife - the twiglet, you can keep - all that Spice Grrrrls salad NO thank you. Do I look like a rabbit? No I bloody well don't, but I do like to eat them. And all that yapping about going to make it big in hollywood, hollywood is just so shallow they just might fall for it.

I used to watch TV whilst dining on those buckets of chicken they used to throw out. There was a lot of the X-Files on, which was nice as there was the ultimate fox, Fox Mulder. Not only did he get to bonk Scully and make her pregnant, he went on to get kidnapped by aliens - got away, taken by death - got away, couldn't act - got away with it. Jeez, the boy was Teflon Man (Non-stick in a greasy world). Oops, perhaps I've blown his cover now. The truth is out there - #widdly widdly woo - da da da da dee da#

Well, logically if Mulder can do it, it must be my turn at the trough of love?!!! It would be nice to have a fox-lette to curl up next to. To share a nice chicken dinner, poach a few eggs, take the piss out of a farmer and run off into the night. Spread a little love and maybe even make a few baby foxes with - hell, I've got a few years left to practice so I'm not getting hitched just yet. *cowers down*

"It's ok dude - only me" *Frederic rises again* "thanks for stopping by and sharing". "No problem Gothic One, it was Horace that wee-mailed me to say what you were doing and I had to participate". "Thankyou kindly young sir, and have a nice day". *Pats his new friend and leaves the room*

13 comentarios:

phoenix dijo...

pheeeew you're back, thank goth. had us all a bit worried there for a minute. Can you pass a message on to frederic and tell him to still be careful out there, apparently them pesky dogs can still get him if he "accidentally" runs in front of them whilst they're "accidentally" in the area of his den and good luck seeking that foxy vixen. x

Shaz dijo...

Hellllooooooo . . . .tiz me, the keyboardless dog hugger. I go away for a few days & theres tears & tantrums. I don't know, can none of you be left unattended or a minute?

You Sick Bastard! dijo...

The only episode of x files that I liked was when these glow in the dark creatures, I think, would eat you. It caused this giant panic and of course Scully and Mulder were on the freakin' case! So everybody in town is at the grocery store panicing and buying food so one person accidently knocks over this display of milk duds or something and it falls to the floor and starts rolling everywhere. Then everybody starts shouting saying that the bugs are in the store! I guess you have to see it. Uh, what was I saying?

Aunty Marianne dijo...

For an animal in defence of which the current UK government was prepared to cause a constitutional crisis, I have to say ol' Fred there doesn't seem very grateful.

I think he'd probably be very tasty, stewed slowly in red wine and mushrooms.

Mental Mac dijo...

Oooh x files. Not though about that for a while. I quite liked it when Robert Patrick too over.

Guest bloggers - whatever next!

Anónimo dijo...

Là, je suis scotché,Excellent !

So happily I had been able to cross you, in Barcelona I would have told you hello to Mister the fox out of clothes of GOTH!!!

MKWM dijo...

Grilled squirrels and stewed fox as well?! Ewwwww, I'll pass... Thank Goth, all these furry animals are safe in his Ark.

Gorilla Bananas dijo...

Have town foxes ever been hunted? The people there don't seem to have the energy, which makes the foxes very cheeky.

Drama Queen dijo...

Hey Fox,

Tell me where your equally foxy Master is hiding?

Tippler dijo...

Apparently, Prince Charles went up to do a hospital opening in Otley some years ago.

Bizarely, he turned up wearing fox-fur head gear.

When the hospital bods asked him what had prompted that particular he replied: "I asked the Queen Mother what to wear for a trip to Otley.

"She said: 'Otley? Where the fock's zat?'"

PI dijo...

I was going to bewail the fact the fox kills without eating but Tippler's joke has made my day!

SpanishGoth dijo...

Phoenix -> I'm back indeed, and front and side etc

Shaz -> No tears, no tantrums, just a bloody good rant

YSB -> Fuckers buying everything - happens over here when a flake of snow falls gently from the sky - stupid twats (ooo no, we might get snowed in or anything)

Aunty M -> your stomach precedes your brain ;-)

Mental Mac -> welcome - guest bloggers are nice (when they actually supply the text - hop you're listening AUNTIE M.....)

Dip-dop -> no more Barca please - my Spanish is ok, my Catalonian....shite

Minky -> not ALL animals, just 2 of every type that couldn't swim, float, breath under water, or had jet skis

GB -> Town foxes generally get hunted by pissed blokes - long story

DQ -> moving.....remember?

Tippler -> nice one matey

PI -> have you become Mistress of the Universe yet? I voted for you...

Anónimo dijo...

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