I'm not really a lumberjack. Seems like far too much hard work to me - "I cut down trees - I skip and jump - I like to press wild flowers - I put on women's clothing and hang around in bars.". Nope. That's some shit you can keep right there! Bizarrely enough, I actually like my job. I get paid to do what I would do as a hobby. Granted I would have preferred to be a rock star but, you can't always get what you want.
There are a lot of jobs I would NOT like to do. Catering - working in McDuffers or Bugger King. No thanks - days wearing a silly outfit repeating the same inane drivel "do you want fries with that?" - "Well DUH, it's a fucking milkshake. Did you, at any point hear me request fries? No? That's because I don't want any!!". If (and it would have to be a pretty big fucking IF) I had to work in catering, I'd work in one of those really posh restaurants where you get to take the piss out of people for using the wrong fork or something. Not only that but the tips are bigger than a monthly salary at McBollocks. Also, I bet you get free shags from posh women. They've been told that a 'bit of rough' is very exciting. You have a slight blob of moutarde on your outfit, that's it - you're from the wrong side of the tracks - WEY-HEY.
I also would not want to be a journalist (no offence intended to certain journos who might stagger past here) but, I don't think my liver could take it. Staff meetings - in the pub. Interviews - in the pub. Lunch - 3 hours of drinking in the ...wait for it... yup, the pub. When you read 'a well informed source' replace that with 'a well lubricated sauce' - that's how they got the quote. Loose lips sink ships apparently. I can't think how this would happen really *scratches his head* I mean you'd have to be pretty careless to let your lips loose without noticing that they'd turned into a submarine or something.
Gravedigger - boring. Dig a hole and then, dig another hole and then....oh quelle surprise, dig another hole. Basically, you are being paid to be a mole. And, I would presume you are not allowed to listen to Black Sabbath on a ghetto-blaster whilst working. Might upset those people in black....go figure ?!
Carpet cleaner in a peep show - yeah right. I know it's a dirty job and someone's got to do it, but that person is not me. I'll let your imagination figure out what it entails.
Men's Outfitter - don't think so. All the 'oooh, suits you Sir' whilst weirdo chutneys keep coming to get their inside leg measured purring "Higher darling". Bollocks to that. Must be like having your leg 'dry-humped' by a dog.
Gynaecologist - strange you might think eh? The opportunity to be in contact with pussy all day and get paid for it and I'm turning it down. I'm sure it's some blokes wet-dream job but not me. For me, no way, for one simple reason, choice. If Mrs Yeti turns up sweating and covered in rolls of fat and hair, it's your duty to dive right in. Don't think so - count me right fucking out on that one.
Boxer - weirdos. Spend months skipping and running up and down stairs, punching frozen meat and hanging out in pet shops for what. A weirdo girlfriend and someone trying to kick your arse. Not to mention the brain damage. They actually had it before they got in the ring, just confirmed it after they got knocked on their sorry arse. I'm with Richard Pryor on this one "So I'm lying on the floor and the referees counting 1-2-3.... I don't know what the fuck you're counting for - I ain't getting up. Someone in the crowd shouts - GET UP - Fuck you! that's how I got down here in the first place!".
Artificial Inseminator - I know what it involves but this takes all the fun out of procreation. Semen -> test tube -> syringe etc. Maybe the results are there but what happened to the fun bit? And you have to wear a dodgy outfit to do it - and no, I am not talking about a Batman costume.
Parking Attendant - damned if you do and damned if you don't (give a ticket I mean). Peeps complain about not being able to park but get arsey when their vehicle gets a ticket. Just follow the patent-pending UK method and get a 'Disabled Ticket'. Effectively, this allows you to park anywhere, as fat slug Prescott proved many times. Meanwhile, the meter maid is hiding in case 'lard-arse' sits on her instead of paying the ticket.
Espero que su trabajo no es aburrido e un buen dia para todos XXX