domingo, febrero 11, 2007

Suicide is Painless

(not this week again, merely me coming to terms with what happened previously)

Suicide - what a crock of shit. Whichever moron came up with the phrase 'Suicide is Painless' needs to be removed from this planet immediately. Suicide is Pointless = FACT. I have never committed suicide, kind of obvious by the fact that I am not DEAD. Suicide + success = DEAD. Not alive anymore = DEAD. Death = Not Good on the Life-ter scale.

Kind of a pattern here don't you think?!!!!!!!

Why bring this subject up now? Because another person I cared for and respected, lost that respect when they followed the Yellow Prick Road. For fucks sake, if life sucks so bad, bugger off to another country or continent and become someone else. Don't call me, don't speak to me, whatever - just don't have the police coming round to inform me that you have taken your own life. It's not fucking clever. Send me chocolates from Brazil with an anonymous note saying "Fuck you - having a great time on the beach".

I used to enjoy, whilst at University and arriving back at the Halls of Residence to meet up with fellow inmates for late night pizza, kebabs or whatever, throwing in the question "Is suicide brave or stupid?". At the end of a night it was fun to provoke such discussions and then I'd step back to watch the arguments. That was before I had encountered the other side of suicide - i.e. what is left behind. The devastation wrought on friends, family and communities. Then all one is left with are the memories of fun together, the misgivings of missing what was too late to fix and the inability to change things. I am Goth, not god.

Meanwhile, after death, the remaining families and friends have to bear the anguish for the rest of their lives.

The first time this suicide shite touched my life, I had to deal with the girlfriend who found the body. Her boyfriend, my friend, had hung himself using a door (not going to explain the logistics to be on the safe side). She had arrived at his place as he couldn't be reached on the phone and after eventually pushing the door open, found her boyfriend dead. The fact that she had to force the door in order to access the room, only to find that what had been pushing against her was her boyfriends dead body left somewhat of a mental impression on her. Sufficient to stop her from opening any door in the future without mentally recreating her horrid discovery.

Now, this shite is becoming slightly tedious. Enough already. Phone the Samaritans, talk to someone. Fuck me, these people are volunteers who are just manning the phones to listen, for no charge, without being condescending to listen to your issues. If it's that bad, call them. Don't become a statistic, don't think you are alone - you're not. Of course, if you're reading this you aren't suicidal (well, you might be afterwards). In the words of Sir Steven of Tyler - "Don't get mad - get even".

Don't take your own life as a message to god, stamp on some pretty flowers or something. But, and this is a BIG BUT, if you are determined to kill yourself, at least have the decency to a) do it successfully b) don't know me or vice versa before you do and c) just take yourself out of the human equation please. Killing other people, who didn't actually want to die at the time, but do because of your fucked up views will not enamour yourself with any of the gods I hang out with. Trust me, the 'secretaries of the gods' have instructions "if it's a suicide, just send them down under".

I have lost friends, family and others to this disease. I wish I knew the anti-dote, I really wish I did. I guess the beginning from the non-suicidal side is JUST LISTEN. From the suicidal side - JUST TALK It might be too late if you don't.

a luego,
S

10 comentarios:

MKWM dijo...

Goth Master, why am I so often first, mmm?

"'secretaries of the gods' have those instructions", I confirm.

I've been reading this, I am not suicidal and I won't be afterwards. Suicide? No thanks. It is a permanent solution to a temporary problem.

Shaz dijo...

Dear Goth,

Suicide is the part where you stop thinking of others or yourself. It's the solution when you are past the talk or negotiation side. It's the "I can't do" side. Don't blame them or pity them. It's not brave, ot cool, or trendy, or easy . .. . it's just no where else to go.

I work there everyday!

Going Through a Tough Time dijo...

I agree with shaz.It's the shittiest of shit things to do but people who go through with this are beyond reason, they see no escape, no future, no person capable of helping them,they don't realise that time heals. No one can take away your pain except yourself and for some that fact is too much to bear when they see no solution. The aftermath of this is something they would not think of, they'd quite probably think that the ones they leave behind are better off without them such is their opinion of themselves. Don't condemn them as they've already done that to themselves via the 'secretaries of the gods'.

SpanishGoth dijo...

Figured this might split the "room". I didn't actually class it under either brave or stupid but merely pointed out that conversation is required - whoever initiates it.

I can think of many situations where suicide would seem the only answer. All problems can be avoided, run away from, ignored etc except those that exist within ourselves.

Not sure that time heals, I think it's more a case of learning to deal with or handle an issue over time. Time helps but I understand what you're saying.

Drama Queen dijo...

Goth, I don’t know anyone who has directly condemned themselves to death intentionally, although I do know people who’s actions inadvertently caused their death. Because of this I can’t quite identify with all your are feelings but being touched by death I do know your pain.

I once had a friend who commented to me that death was the cowards way out, that it was selfish and cruel. I was mad at her for her flippant comments. OK, so I am not sucidel, at all. But there have been times in my life when I have been curious about death, as an option. And in that option I could see comfort, a way to make everything that had ever fucks up around us disappear. Yes, we can move countires, we can change lives but we take them same heads with us.

Of course comfort is found in talking but talking doesn’t solve it and the sheer weight of your thoughts and words can be so much for family to bear – to the point where maybe you do believe that family are better with you.

Of course, we all heal. I read in papers about school kids killing themselves because of bullying and I want to go back in time and wring their necks, tell them life will get better, one day you’ll be so far away from these people. But that’s the thing isn’t it, when you are in the grips of depression you are stuck in a moment, a moment that will make or break you and you chose whether the pain is something you can bear or not.

Sorry for your loss.

SpanishGoth dijo...

Thanks DQ. It's not always possible to identify true depression early enough but my point is, we can try. One life saved is enough for me. If that turns about to be 2, even better etc.

Shaz dijo...

Group hug needed . . . . .x x x x

James dijo...

I've not experienced your loss, but I have a very good friend who has, and it still affects her after a long time. If your manifesto is 'more talk' who could argue.

Going Through a Tough Time dijo...

definitely. support and talking are always good but only if that person will allow that to penetrate, and unfortunately with some the self esteem is too far below the radar to allow them to think they're worth helping. It's all terribly sad no matter what side you look at it from.

SpanishGoth dijo...

My point really is just to try. If it's too late, so be it, but the effort if futile still outweighs avoidance...