America - The Land of ...

*Note* It's even in the national anthem, "Land of the.." but that's where it becomes bullshit. So here is my version of the next part of the statement (and if you don't like it, tough shit) - it's my blog and I'll write what the fuck I want.

SO, AMERICA IS THE LAND OF THE:-

Fat Bastards - granted the UK are desperately trying to catch up but if one US state actually all jumped at the same time they would create a Tsunami that would take out all small pacific islands.

I noticed today that some fucking idiot has created a 'burger' (available on a normal menu, not to create a world record) weighing something like 60 kilos. That is not a burger! It's a bloody cow between 2 bits of very large bread. Doubtless, the twat that orders it will also have a Diet Coke..

Idiots in Trailer Parks - like the guy who has won $275 MILLION on a lottery. Firstly, I'm not jealous - the guy had a shit job, his wife looks like Miss Piggy without the fashion sense and he lives in a trailer. Secondly, I agree with his choice to take about half of it in one hit rather than small amounts for the next 50 years or whatever.

My issue is with his statement that "Life's not gonna change any for us - we're just gonna have a mansion built, buy new matching 4x4's, pay for all the family to go to that school thing..." etc. *Newsflash pal* - your life has already changed. Get the education yourself and stop talking through your arse - and while you're at it, give some to charity.

Parasitic Professions - like lawyers and plastic surgeons. I read about some woman who successfully sued a department store for $1.3 million because she tripped over some twatty little kid that was running around the shop. I couldn't really comprehend why the store had a liability to pay the woman but then, in true American style, they outdid themselves. It was her fucking kid !!!

As for the plastic surgeons, in Europe, we would have just recycled Michael Jackson - make him into egg boxes or something.

The Free and The Land Of The Brave - hmmm, it was, until you massacred most of them. There seems to be a lack of understanding about guns over there. I don't give a shit what Charlton Heston (President of the NRA) says, guns are not big and clever - they kill things and if you are not killing something to eat it - fuck off and starve or become a vegetarian - plants don't run away !!

And before you assume I am going to trash everything American, America is also home to:-

Home To Some Lovely People - that I know. I've been priveleged enough to meet some wonderful Americans - the first of which were a couple of guys called Daryl and Marcus, who visited Wales many years ago as part of a choir. They taught me some intricacies about American Football I didn't know and I exchanged knowledge about girls (apparently, in Wales, we start experimenting with the opposite sex earlier ?!)