lunes, febrero 11, 2008

It's Just A Jump To The Left

Sorry, Goth World, I have been busy assessing my life - like a snake with a lisp.

As I have another one of those birthday doofers coming up, I thought it was time to decide what I wanted, rather than what every other fucker desired from my embittered soul.

'AHA' - I thought, and then realised that was the name of a Norwegian band famous for something or other in the 80's. Thus, I changed my suppossedly cerebral statement to 'Gadzooks'.

However, the point remained the same - 'Why did I feel like what I was doing was what everyone else wanted?'.

That was actually quite easy to figure out (in retrospect). What was rather more complex was to figure out was why I could not simply be happy to exist.

It's a bizarre equation of life that we elicit what we desire from those we can, and yet, subjucate ourselves to those who we feel have more power.

Unfortunately, that 'point' has proven costly. In doing so, I committed to and destroyed a marriage, I have alienated my children, I lost the 'perfect' job for me.

Basically, I fucked up!!

So, in my thoughts on correction and validation, a feeling of Zen ran over me like a big, chocolate slug.

Maybe I didn't have to fight after all. Perhaps I could just utilise the gifts that I have to benefit the many.

(and before you religious freaks get in on the act, I did not see God, or Monkeys, or Sacred Cows - I saw my bank balance).

Most importantly, I saw the sadness in the eyes of people I love.

It was time for a change - and so, I made the change. All of my lovely hair got sliced of by a barber (and I didn't even go to Seville). I shaved my 'goatee' beard off. I even looked for a 'proper' job - one of those that pays you for holidays....

I'm not saying I found Gothic redemption - but I am fucking trying......

13 comentarios:

Peach dijo...

hey! I have a job for you honey:

http://peacharse.blogspot.com/2008/02/youre-not-only-one_10.html

PI dijo...

Maybe it's just growing up. I'm still doing it:)

Ani dijo...

Sounds complicated. Positive, goth-like vibes coming your way, full force. ;)

Elaine dijo...

:::sigh::: The world is going to hell in a handbasket. Drama Queen quits blogging and you shave your hair for respectability. Whatever next? Good luck, btw. Wish me the same. I need a job, too. Although, I believe I have shaved off enough hair already.

Sewmouse dijo...

Just please, please, whatever you do - do NOT give up blogging and take up accordion playing on the bus...

john.g. dijo...

I haven't any hair to shave off!

Stacie dijo...

Finding out I didn't have cancer, kinda made me feel like I just had a birthday and now I'm doing all this "reevaluating my life" kinda junk. I'm not cutting my hair off though! Good luck to you Goth, I hope you find what you're looking for, I still haven't...
Stacie

panu dijo...

Please Dont Stop Blogging.


My friend, a blogger, sort of gave up her blog when she went on a quest for the Ideal Job. Needless to say, she DID NOT FIND IT. In fact, Ideal Jobs exist only in dreams/nightmares.

But fuck ups happen all the time. Its ok to do that. Makes us who we are, i.e. HUMAN.

zoe dijo...

Your hair! God dammit Janet (that's one of yours) - whatever next - you'll start going to church?

SpanishGoth dijo...

Peach -> I hae an offer in mind for you ;-)

Pat -> you're only as old as the person you feel my love

Ani -> Thanks - I'd kind of planned on using the Force anyway but all extra is good

Elaine -> I didn't shave my hair, I just had it cut slightly - because I wanted to I might add

Sewmouse -> yeah - like that's going to fucking happen - I BURN accordions

JG -> I have an offcut ponytail if you have some superglue

Stacie -> good news on the no cancer thing and I hope you find what you're looking for - looking on the bright side U2 are still rich and still searching

Panu -> not giving up blogging, just have to re-og my timetable somewhat

Zoe -> It was looking a bit 'wizardy'....

homo stupidus dijo...

You don't mean ......that you are turning into a NORMAL HUMAN BEING?

Gadzooks! What is the world coming to.

A Concerned Pedant dijo...

I can understand the haircut, the glabrous impulse and the proper-job thing, but...

"utilise" ?!?

Thats taking this corporate-normalcy thing too far. It may impact your core values and change the paradigm, in the short-to-long term.

We don't want that, do we ?

Anyway - it's spelt with a zee.
Unless you're speaking frog.

SpanishGoth dijo...

Homer -> me turning into a NORMAL HUMAN BEING? - not very likely

Pedant -> American spellin doesn't work in Goth World. But I am interested to know what the fuck 'glabrous' is.... do tell