miércoles, junio 18, 2008

I Demand

Never a particularly good starting point for a conversation with a Goth. With me in particular, an opening gambit of "I demand...." is invariably followed by a response of "I demand that you fuck off".

It's a bit like that stupid film Kramer vs Kramer - which I've never seen but I believe involves a couple fighting over their sprog.

Apparently, she says "I demand custody" and so he says "So, I demand custody", thus she kicks him in the bollocks, so she kicks her in the twat, and it continues until everyone is crying and some fucker walks off with poor Oscar - metaphorically of course.

At the moment, I'm feeling particularly vulnerable, which means I am very wary of being truly 'arse-invaded' by americans at any time. They are a particularly good species at that - the 'arse-invading' bit (which they call ass-invading - ASS being actually a form of donkey, ergo bestiality) not the vulnerability.

Por ejemplo - They like to give a small country weapons and then go and kick the shit out of them for having weapons - especially if there is some oil lurking about somewhere (see the Bill Hicks speech for that).

Anyway, currently, I have the power to delete the fuck out of their fat arses. I didn't choose it - they chose to endow me with that power, in their infinite lack of wisdom.

Hoo-fucking-rah !

Well, the thing is, I am NOT going to abuse the power. I don't need to see a therapist - I just have more important things to do.

However, any "I demand"s are shortly followed by a somewhat inexplicable total loss of power for said arsey individual.

Of course, I dare say that if you were in Goths position, you might demand something else.

Assuming you had the ability to demand anything, what would it be?? (and the first fucker to say world peace will get deleted immediately) but, fire away....

14 comentarios:

( . )( . ) dijo...

I demand 10 orgasms a day! PRONTO!

john.g. dijo...

Where's my challenge to you ?

SpanishGoth dijo...

EEK - 2 challenges at once.

(.)(.) -> can I perservere with one at a time please. It will be worth the wait

JG -> It's coming you grumpy old twat. Not my fault I have to bail american idiots out of their sanctimonious shite every day....

BluE dijo...

To have a Gothic sense of humour without all the black.

PI dijo...

The film was faintly unbelievable because the wicked wife relented in the end because she realised it would mean her child leaving his bedroom which had clouds painted on the ceiling.
It had the boy and his father routinely, every morning, going to spend a penny and never washing their hands afterwards.
I demand everybody washes their hands after etc etc etc

Timbo dijo...

A lovely bunch of coconuts please.

Sewmouse dijo...

What was that movie? "I demand a shrubbery"???

I'm really not the type to make demands, but I demand that my fried eggs be over well, with no runny gooey yellow blood stuff.

john.g. dijo...

Less of the old, or i'll have to set Mum2 on you!

Mr Farty dijo...

You are the Bastard Operator From Hell and I demand my five pounds.

PI dijo...

I'm backing up my # 5 son so nobody be the slightest bit cheeky to him or else!!!!!!

SpanishGoth dijo...

Blue -> can be done I think - I mean my skin isn't black

Pat -> washing hands afterwards? Not sure what I want to read into that one

Timbo -> oo er. For yourself or upon another personnage?

Sewmouse -> I like the yellow blood stuff

JG -> yikes. What will she do? Knit me to death?

Mr Farty -> not such a good holiday then?

Pat -> coo being a tad protective aren't we?

Daphne Wayne-Bough dijo...

A recount.

john.g. dijo...

Thanks Mum2, I knew I could rely on you!

Jayne dijo...

If ever I had the chance to demand, as in REALLY demand something, I reckon it would be that every single fuckin rag'ead that has never looked in his rearview mirror (apart from looking at him/herself) & subsequently tried to kill me, be removed from their car, publicly flogged & strangled with their fuckin fanbelt & t-cloths.
Alternatively, perhaps I should demand that all rag'ead drivers revert back to riding camels.

Oh, as an afterthought, I demand that someone finally put a bullet through Bob Mugabe's pox riddled brain.