jueves, junio 26, 2008

One Finger Is Enough

Said the actress to the bishop - as opposed to the nuns who prefer Kit Kats.

Thankfully, though, one finger is quite enough at the moment. Granted it has crippled my typing ability and I now sit at a keyboard like ET, tapping away with one finger but I can still type stuff which is nice, as otherwise I would be bored.

One finger is enough to crack the ring pull on a can of beer - although I then have to sit there with a straw like some alcholic Stephen Hawking creating my new book, a Brief History Of Beer.

The mobile phone is also not an issue due to the funky little speaker phone on it which means I can leave the phone on the coffee table and still talk bollocks to anyone I want.

BUT, the most important use for that one finger, is for The Doofer (some call it the remote control).

When I eventually shuffle from the bedroom to the front room, taking care not to glance my still injured limbs on any passing, stationery objects, I can switch on TV. Daytime TV though - and what a crock of shit that is.

First, it's programs about turning your useless crap into money via car boot sales, or auctions or some other inane fashion.

After a soothing bout of shouting "Well don't buy the fucking shit in the first place" the finger does it's work - OFF.

Then I get bored and have to switch TV back on - now it's some morons who want to buy a bigger better house so the lazy twats get some presenters to find them 3 houses. Every one is better than the bloody hovel they live in but, they say

"ooo, the kitchens not very big"
"It's bigger than your whole house you fucking dickweed" - 'finger-time' - OFF.

Roll on this afternoon - then it's MacGyver. Easy watching. He will defeat the entire Russian Army armed only with a penknife. Fucker should join the Swiss Army - he could show them a thing or two.

Are there any good programs on daytime TV???

19 comentarios:

Princess of the Universe dijo...

Have you tried Oprah?
I'm assuming she's on everywhere...

Scouse Doris dijo...

McGyver rocks.
Were you armed only with a penknife when you had your accident?

zoe dijo...


Daphne Wayne-Bough dijo...

Does reading require too many fingers?

SpanishGoth dijo...

Princess -> Oprah is on but I get dizzy with her I'm fat/thin/fat again/thin again antics

Doris -> No, I was only armed with my idiocy

Zoe -> they don't show Neighbours anymore do they - wasn't the same after Jo Mangle left anyway

Daphne -> it's holding the book that is the problem - not following the words with my finger

Leni Qinan dijo...

Download Carnivàle. Powerful stuff. You'll love it.

Sewmouse dijo...

Fingerpainting! Just need to get Mariposa to set out the paints and paper for you.

Or since you are housebound with nobody else near - nasal hygiene?


john.g. dijo...

Goth, come on now!Leave the tv? Computer on, type youporn.com
Hours of fun!

SpanishGoth dijo...

Leni -> Hi & Welcome. Carnivàle does indeed look interesting. I think I saw an episode of it on some Spanish TV channel once

JG -> You dirty old man - no I will not download porn - fucked up enough already tx

Sewmouse -> I did make some pretty patterns on the kitchen floor but that was in blood

Leni Qinan dijo...

Thanks Goth, and how's your finger doing? :)

PS1.- Carnivàle in Spanish sounds a bit crappy to me. I strongly recommend you the US version.

PS2.- Try 'Lost' too, if you can. It's addictive, tho. ;)

Take it easy, too much TV won't do you any good, haha.

SpanishGoth dijo...

Leni -> my finger is ok, it's my arm and my left hand that are fucked at the moment. I just ordered both seasons of Carnivale but Lost (Perdidos in Spain) I didn't like at all

Brom dijo...

I quote... "but I can still type stuff which is nice"!!!??

Hell' has that cut affected your head boyo.

Only jesting - I know that you are a nice Goth really. - He added quickly to help stave off the wrath of Goth. He may be temporarily disabled, but he's not armless!

Leni Qinan dijo...

Nice to see you're not armless so you can still type nice stuff with your right hand. ;)

((It's damn hot here -40ºC- Gonna sleep in the fridge, beside the milk bottles. G'night))

SpanishGoth dijo...

Brom -> so sorry, no nipple painting in these parts

Leni -> The 'dove duhs' should be here Wednesday.

40 Degrees? amateur!

July & August in Murcia about 49 - that's why we have air-con and siestas....

Leni Qinan dijo...

Man, you got me helplessly googling 'Dove duhs' for 10 mins.

Wth are 'The Dove duhs', Goth? Your favorite rock band? Are they playing in Murcia on Wednesday? With 49ºC? That's gonna be murder!

SpanishGoth dijo...

Leni -> Google does not have all the answers

DoVe DuhS

Leni Qinan dijo...

Hm so the DoVe Duhs that will reach you on Wednesday are Carnivàle's DVDs *silly me!*

Learn English slang and acronyms with the Spanish Goth. ;)

JolietJake dijo...

I'm giving you a finger now. Let me know if there's anything else...

SpanishGoth dijo...

Leni -> Acronyms are for lazy bastards like

Jake -> not so fucking clever now are you????