miércoles, junio 04, 2008

She Sucked - Well, No More

Stupid bloody idea anyway. Who in their right mind would want to have anything sucked? That's just plain silly.

However, I got a call today informing me that she was not sucking anymore. Now, in itself that isn't really an issue but, if you are a vacuum cleaner - that's pretty shit as it's the only thing you have to do.

Just buy a new one - I thought, and apparently vocalised said thoughts, but then... It reminded me of a true story several years ago, in the UK.

'Kirby' cleaners were incredibly expensive - i.e. over a thousand squids. The sales-bastards were tenacious little rascals, cultivated from the most desperate areas of society.

Their sales 'pitch' involved sprinkling a small amount of water onto a bed sheet and explaining that everyone perspired whilst they slept. They would then apply the industrial strength suction unit to the sheet, sucking up dirt through the mattress to create a dirty ring on the sheet.

"This is what you sleep in every night" - the salesman would announce to his horrified prospective client.

On one particular occassion, the sales patter didn't work and the salesman announced he would return the following day at 11am to secure the sale/deal.

The following day, walking up the path, he saw the curtains twitch but whilst ringing the doorbell for 5 minutes, he got no response.

He pretended to walk away but, went around the back of the house and seeing a window open, climbed in.

As he carefully padded into the front room, he observed the terrified couple hiding behind the sofa occassionally trying to see if the salesman from hell had departed (not knowing he was behind them).

In a thunderous voice, he announced "Enough with the fucking 'hide and seek' - I found you. Now sign the contract."

The now, nervous wrecks duly did.

*Moral to the story? - Fucked if I know, but the muppet did try his pressure techniques on me and apparently a swift kick in the bollocks appears to work*

(oh, and apparently 'we' have a new vacuum cleaner - but, you won't find my fingerprints on it - I've seen CSI)"

8 comentarios:

john.g. dijo...

Not a sucker then? Unlike me for agreeing to your film idea!

Brom dijo...

So that was one of your cleaner blog entries?

Che de Schot dijo...

A vacuum cleaner that sucks ?

Where can I get one of they ?

Sewmouse dijo...

The question, of course, is did she swallow, or did she spit it back out?

Unfortunately, my vacuum cleaner has been spitting things back out and sending them flying either at my feet or toward the cats. Like most men, I hear, I would quite prefer she would swallow.

Daphne Wayne-Bough dijo...

That sort of tenaciousness hasn't taken hold in Belgium. I've had two quotes for different things and neither firm has bovvered to call back. So they ain't getting my business.

SpanishGoth dijo...

JG -> I thought it would keep you entertained - although I'm not quite sure what the fuck Debbie was doing there ;-)

Brom -> wahhey! Tarbies back in town

Che -> you mucky minded little rascal. If you find yourself at a crossroads - try Carrefour

Sewmouse -> I presume swallow - I wouldn't want to enrage the pussy contingent

Daphne -> I know they used to do Bovver Hover mowers but, just think how much fun with the ants if you had one of the Dyson doofers - "ants spinning, around the universe - this Pimms it is so good and my game is so perverse"

PI dijo...

Did you get a George? I quite like mine and I've had a few.

SpanishGoth dijo...

Blummin crikey woman - I'm not Oprah !!! (don't want to eat that much chocolate)