One Finger Is Enough

Said the actress to the bishop - as opposed to the nuns who prefer Kit Kats.

Thankfully, though, one finger is quite enough at the moment. Granted it has crippled my typing ability and I now sit at a keyboard like ET, tapping away with one finger but I can still type stuff which is nice, as otherwise I would be bored.

One finger is enough to crack the ring pull on a can of beer - although I then have to sit there with a straw like some alcholic Stephen Hawking creating my new book, a Brief History Of Beer.

The mobile phone is also not an issue due to the funky little speaker phone on it which means I can leave the phone on the coffee table and still talk bollocks to anyone I want.

BUT, the most important use for that one finger, is for The Doofer (some call it the remote control).

When I eventually shuffle from the bedroom to the front room, taking care not to glance my still injured limbs on any passing, stationery objects, I can switch on TV. Daytime TV though - and what a crock of shit that is.

First, it's programs about turning your useless crap into money via car boot sales, or auctions or some other inane fashion.

After a soothing bout of shouting "Well don't buy the fucking shit in the first place" the finger does it's work - OFF.

Then I get bored and have to switch TV back on - now it's some morons who want to buy a bigger better house so the lazy twats get some presenters to find them 3 houses. Every one is better than the bloody hovel they live in but, they say

"ooo, the kitchens not very big"
"It's bigger than your whole house you fucking dickweed" - 'finger-time' - OFF.

Roll on this afternoon - then it's MacGyver. Easy watching. He will defeat the entire Russian Army armed only with a penknife. Fucker should join the Swiss Army - he could show them a thing or two.

Are there any good programs on daytime TV???