Everybody has them - those annoying little twats that can make your working day a misery. Just because they are useless at their job / relationships / general ability to be a nice person doesn't mean they should bring their little cloud of misery over everyone else.
I have discovered that since my enforced abscence, some twit who was always complaining that I did nothing has had to take on some of my responsibilities. Now said twit is fucking whingeing that it is an impossible amount of work to do.
Ha - laughed like a fucking hyena I did. Of course it looks like nothing when I do it you myopic retard - that's because I'm very good at what I do and just make it look easy.
So, I figured I would compile a list of most annoying things cow-workers have done or said to you. Fire away, I'm listening.......
In the meantime, a joke.
A chimp and a hyena are having a chat in the jungle. The hyena is complaining that every single day, at the same time, a lion ambushes him and kicks the crap out of him.
"I can help" says the chimp "I'm a black belt in karate. Today, I'll come with you and when the lion arrives I'll kick his ass".
The hyena is very grateful and so together they walk down the jungle path.
The lion jumps out, starts pummeling the hyena and the chimp just runs up the nearest tree.
When the lion has left, the chimp comes back down the tree and walks over to the bloodied hyena.
"I thought you said you were going to help" exclaims the battered hyena.
"I was" replies the chimp "But you were laughing so much I thought you were winning".
*taps finger whilst waiting for annoying cow-worker quotes / actions*
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"Oh no, not another fucking temp!" And this from the esteemed Paul Vallely, CMG, formerly of The Times and now associate editor of The Independent.
I have a high-risk work. I work with hazardous materials.
I've said this before in my blog, but wtf, it's a sensitive point.
Part of my work is to do this gal's work, including a considerable number of favours and bullshit. Among them:
- Hey Q, I wonder if you could do me a lil' favour –she asked-
- Sure. What is it you want? –I answered-
- The Chairman forgot something in the top drawer of his desk: a small yellow box. Would you mind putting it into an envelope? I’m sending his chauffeur to pick it up and deliver it to his house.
- Ok.
I asked the security guy to open Big Shot’s office for me; entered the room; walked to his desk; opened the drawer and there it was: The small yellow box.
It said: "Hemorrhoidal Ointment". Too late. I already touched it.
This is what I call “intellectual work”.
DOH!!
It scares me how often this one happens; "I exported this data to excel and now it won't go back in the database because excel stripped the leading zero's".
Today I had someone tell me "the reason the system is slow is because there's a performance problem", it took fucking three hours of analysis to get to that conclusion .
These people have the nerve to call themselves Systems Analysts. Since my divorce work is thing that makes me most angry, I think about that a lot these days.
Matron Daphne -> 'esteem' rhymes with 'scream' - unleash the McHobbitt
Ms Kravitz -> "I work with hazardous materials" - that will be americans then?
JG -> HOMER
JJake -> "it took fucking three hours of analysis to get to that conclusion" - BWAHAHAHHAHAHA - I can imagine you saying this so much in real life, it's scary
*woooooooooooooooooo*
When I was hired and introduced to a cow-orker for the first time, their uninhibited reaction was, 'ANOTHER ONE?!' (Meaning another American. You wouldn't blame them, would you, Goth?)
Also, I have been introduced to a higher-up as: 'this is Ani. I don't know what she, uhh... does... here.'
So many more I can't think of at the moment...
The hazardous materials I work with are not American but South Sandwichian.
Actually, these ones are even more dangerous than the French, Aussies and Japs I have known in the past.
And the piles’ ointment could have gangrenated my delicate hands if the twat hadn't washed his dirty paws after using it.
Can't think of a thing. Do you think that I have no friends and no one ever wants to work with me may have something to do with it?
Ani -> doesn't know what you do? Pah! Some manger that is
Leni -> I hope you mixed some itching powder in it - I would have
Brom -> aw.....poor Brom. Are we feeling all lonely again?
I hate the ones who think they are really clever and try psychology,
'Oh you are so good at these - you know i always make a mess of them - it would be better all round if you did it, don't you think?'
or even reverse psychology,
'I've got a really difficult(read boring) task that needs doing but I'm not sure that you're up to it'.
Needless to say I call their bluff everytime.
I am no longer in the work place but frequently meet twats like a nurse at our practice who had the temerity to spout 'you all have to be responsible for your own health.' I agreed with her but said that unfortunately I was unable to do my own cervical smear.
Doris -> just kick them in the bollocks - shit works for me
Pat -> LOL - I don't think I've ever seen you swear but, I can understand why you would given the situation. I almost feel the need to come over and twat her myself
Two that I can give you off the top of my head -
Co-worker #1: "I didn't know what to do, so I called you."
Me: "But that's on page 1 of the manual!"
CW#1: "Oh, we don't have time to read the manual."
Me: "And yet you have time to call me..."
...or...
CW#2: "The manual said exactly what to do, so I did it and everything is fine now, but my boss ordered me to call you anyway. Yes, I know it's 4am. Yes, he is, isn't he?"
Is twat swearing?
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