jueves, diciembre 20, 2007

Golf. It's Contagious.

Goth would ask you to guess what he likes about golf but, it's a pretty short list. In fact, the list doesn't exist at all.

I mean, what the fuck is there to like about people twatting a ball with a stick, in the hope that ball goes into some squirrel nest?!?

If you can't twat the ball into the hole, dig a bigger fucking hole !! It's not rocket science, just the law of averages.

I grew up next to a golf course, and it was just a procession of sad cunts, dressed like pimps looking for where they had misplaced their balls. The bastards couldn't get laid, in a brothel, with fifty quid hanging out of their arse pockets.

Unfortunately, this disease, known as golf, is contagious. I know because I nearly caught it once. My 'ickle' brother, who isn't 'ickle' at all, persuaded me to try out this idiotic sport.

I had to think carefully before I acquiesced.

"Hmmmmm - my brother, the policeman, with a gun, and his Police warrant card, and a very short temper with metal sticks encountering stuck-up, pompous twats, whining about 'playing through'". Now That's Entertainment!!!!!

"Oh go on then" I said, instantly feeling better about myself.

Granted, I was hoping that PC Bro would 'kick off' and insert a golf club, at high velocity, where the sun doesn't shine.

Boo hiss - didn't happen.

We just had a long walk - punctuated with "Oh for fucks sake"!!!! - 'hmmm, that'll be the water then"

I'd love to say that I got birdies, and eagles and other flying stuff, but I didn't. I'm 'shit-hot' at the game on the Playstation, but, in reality, I'm like Stevie Wonder on a zebra crossing - fucking clueless.

I'm not giving up though. I've seen the spastics that attempt to play golf. I'm better - at least I can see where my ball fucked off to.

"Oh look - trees, with big mushrooms hiding my.....""it SO did NOT go in the water/sand/fucking trees.... again"

4 comentarios:

john.g. dijo...

Apart from motorcycles, golf was my passion(two holes-in-one) and the only way I can play now is on the computer! So, me old matey, up yours!

SpanishGoth dijo...

JG -> I apologise if I have offended. You would like my clubs though - still a hint of blood on the woods... ;-(

Anónimo dijo...

Do I love golf on the Xbox? I'm a god at it - a god, I tell you. I tried it for real a couple of times and the results were, er, disappointing. I put my little ball on the tee thing on the driving range, lined up with a whippy little 7-iron, topped it and the ball flew (vertically) past my nose and smashed against the roof of the range. Boy, did I feel cool. It's a long walk back to the bar adter that, I can tell you.

SpanishGoth dijo...

Tom -> Tiger has no chance against me on the PS. In reality, my only hope would be to shoot the bastard