Once upon, all people spoke the same language - they all said "Ug" and other grunty type words. But it couldn't last, and according to the bible (that handy reference book of nonsense):-
'The people decided to build a tower to the heavens'
(which they had to do properly as Lego wasn't invented then). And then comes the good bit:-
'The Lord came down to see the city and it's tower'
(now, excuse me, but if god is omnipresent, why does he feel the need to travel anywhere - he's already bloody there by definition)
Anyway, god got pissed off because it wasn't part of his plan at all. So he made them speak different languages and so they called the city Babel, because they couldn't agree on the spelling of 'babble'.
Thus all the people moved around the world, but not in a balloon as they hadn't been invented either. But the people were cunning and decided to name their languages after their countries and so the French spoke French, because their country was called France etc.
The next bit of the bible probably got relagated to The Apocrypha but I'm fairly sure that the bearded one said "Right, I need some religious wars to teach these bastards that I'm the clever one"
Finally, one person decided to invent a universal language, which he called Esperanto. God was mightily pissed off about this and thus shot him up the arse with a lightning bolt and he died.
In the end, god just moped on his thrown muttering to his angels "I gave them Hebrew, what more do they bloody want"
When an angel replied "well, they might like Latin for naming flowers and stuff"
At which point, god stormed off in a huff - before realising that he couldn't as he was ominpresent.....