martes, diciembre 11, 2007

Mission Not Bloody Likely

#Do do do do, diddle do, diddle do - dah da#

"Your mission, should you decide to accept it Goth, is to go shopping with a woman and enjoy it...."

"You have got to be taking the piss"
"No, I'm not taking the piss - and more than that, you are not allowed to get angry, storm off or go to the pub. Additionally, you will have to travel on public transport and go into the city centre - no cheating using the internet. This message will self destruct in 30 seconds"
"It's going to destruct a lot quicker when I twat it with a hammer"
(Sometime later)

Goth is on the Metro heading into the city with his woman to face his nemesis, shopping. Ensuring he has the correct tools is vital to completing the mission - 40 Marlboro and 2 lighters, in case one fails and a large unbrella for poking old people out of the way.

First stop, as always, is the shoe shop. I cannot understand why women need so many shoes. Two feet = 1 pair of shoes. Why therefore would one person need 40 pairs of shoes? I can only assume that because they spend so much time walking between shops that they wear them out quicker.

By the time the second shop has been reached, it is time to remain outside and smoke a cigarette. Time to contemplate just why it is so bloody complex shopping. For me, you know what you want, where to buy it - and so you go directly to that shop, buy it and then go home. Simple enough.

Next is the clothes shop and the obligatory 'take 8 garments into the changing room, try them all on, and like none of them'. One hour of sheer boredom later, and without a single shopping bag, it's onto the next shop.

After fuck knows how many shops later, we return to the first shop to buy the ideal shoes she had seen and could not find any cheaper anywhere else. Guess what? They've sold the bastards and they have none left.

However, I did not get angry, concentrated on my Zen and refrained from impaling any little old gits with my umbrella.

Did I enjoy it though?

Not bloody likely.....

13 comentarios:

john.g. dijo...


Been there, done that , never, ever again!!

How good were Led Zep last night?

Sewmouse dijo...

I am a woman.
I hate shopping in stores.
Stores have people.
People who use up all the breathing air.
I will stay home with my interwebs and credit card.

Ché l'écossais dijo...

I'm convinced there are evolutionary reasons for this m/f conflict.

Men were tasked with bringing in the food; they'd set off, spy some likely mammal, and go for it.
No faffing about. Go -> get.
Then they'd drag the carcass 3 miles through the swamp and lay it at the feet of their beloved...

"Ew, I don't like the tusks on that one. Take it back."

"Very nice, Og-Th, but the COLOUR of that fur! What were you thinking of ??"

"I can't eat baby seal! You KNOW it makes me look fat"

You get the idea. Men eventually gave up, and invented agriculture for the sake of a quiet life.

When women shop, they're hunting too;
but without the go-get mindset; they still have the primeval gatherer instinct of pick+choose, hum+haw, I'll-see-if-the-berries-are-nicer-in-that-other-bush.

Am I right or am I right ?

JolietJake dijo...

It's funny but when you have to buy something nice for the one you love, well, I've bunked off work to get that right. I'd do it again.

Actually I'd bunk off work if The Wanderers got to the play offs. That's ONE cunting day I've bunked off in last 25 bastard years. Can't you talk about something other than football just for once, twat!

zoe dijo...

do what the Twat does - take a book. there again, i can't remember the last time we went shopping together ... 2-3 years ago? i hate buying clothes unless i'm in marks and sparks. i feel safe there - and the knickers are good.

SpanishGoth dijo...

JG -> It's not fun that's for sure - only saw brief highlights of Zep on News24

Sewmouse -> indeed - it would be ok going shopping if it weren't for the people

Che -> in the majority, yes you are correct - especially the female hunting in packs when a sale is on - oh, let's save 50 quid by spending 700

JJ -> I wasn't talking about football - but then again, talking about Wanderers, neither were you

Zoe -> M&S knickers -that's a bit Bridget Jones isn't it?

Stacie dijo...

I really had to laugh at sounds like shopping with one of my girlfriens. She is a powershopper, I am a power nature girl. I despise shopping. It's a nightmare for me. I'm glad you made it out alive.

Daphne Wayne-Bough dijo...

Look you're only there to carry the bags, it's not your place to wonder why and wherefore, just do your job.

By the way, the Mission Impossible theme goes: Do do do do do, DILDO, DILDO, DILDO - dah dah.

Anónimo dijo...

I am one of the fortunate ones. Mme Joad doesn't like shopping. She is very much of the "want = go get and bail out quick" mentality. Which leaves her more time to find me things to do around the house. Oh well...

Sewmouse dijo...

I thought the Mission Impossible Theme went:

Do Do DO DO do do do do do do DO DO do do do do Dooley Do Dooley Do Dooley Do do do

SpanishGoth dijo...

Stacie -> I do despise shopping. Previously she could only persuade me with the 1 shop, then 1 bar method

Daphne -> just there to carry credit cards (and I know the MI theme wasn't exact, but I don't remember dildos in it)

Tom -> I know - we can never win but, there are compensations

Sewmouse -> as per comment to Daphne, I know it wasn't exact but....

The Aunt dijo...

I'm with Sewmouse. Loathe it. I take Mondays off to go shopping, because it's when there's no-one else in the shops and the staff have time to be polite.

I'd like to commend the good merchants of Strasbourg at this point for being so polite and welcoming and helpful. Are they really this fantastic, or am I just overreacting because of the comparison with the way we shoppers are treated in Brussels?

SpanishGoth dijo...

Aunty -> don't lump me in with the 'shoppers in Bruxelles' - I'm just doing it for moral support - if the assistants want to be rude, I can be ruder - didn't want their shit anyway