#Do do do do, diddle do, diddle do - dah da#
"Your mission, should you decide to accept it Goth, is to go shopping with a woman and enjoy it...."
"You have got to be taking the piss"
"No, I'm not taking the piss - and more than that, you are not allowed to get angry, storm off or go to the pub. Additionally, you will have to travel on public transport and go into the city centre - no cheating using the internet. This message will self destruct in 30 seconds"
"It's going to destruct a lot quicker when I twat it with a hammer"
Goth is on the Metro heading into the city with his woman to face his nemesis, shopping. Ensuring he has the correct tools is vital to completing the mission - 40 Marlboro and 2 lighters, in case one fails and a large unbrella for poking old people out of the way.
First stop, as always, is the shoe shop. I cannot understand why women need so many shoes. Two feet = 1 pair of shoes. Why therefore would one person need 40 pairs of shoes? I can only assume that because they spend so much time walking between shops that they wear them out quicker.
By the time the second shop has been reached, it is time to remain outside and smoke a cigarette. Time to contemplate just why it is so bloody complex shopping. For me, you know what you want, where to buy it - and so you go directly to that shop, buy it and then go home. Simple enough.
Next is the clothes shop and the obligatory 'take 8 garments into the changing room, try them all on, and like none of them'. One hour of sheer boredom later, and without a single shopping bag, it's onto the next shop.
After fuck knows how many shops later, we return to the first shop to buy the ideal shoes she had seen and could not find any cheaper anywhere else. Guess what? They've sold the bastards and they have none left.
However, I did not get angry, concentrated on my Zen and refrained from impaling any little old gits with my umbrella.
Did I enjoy it though?
Not bloody likely.....