It's Christmas Time

And there's no need to be afraid. Or so sang the Band Aid before they got plastered.

Well, I'm sorry, but it is a time to be afraid. My parents could never understand why I was scared but, in retrospect, if you explain it in similar terms, it becomes very much the Santa Witch Project.

"If you go to sleep, Santa will come"
"But if I'm asleep, how will he get in?"
"He'll come down the chimney"
"But, if there's a fire - he'll burn his bottom"
"It's ok, as he's magic and can walk through fire"
"Why does he want to come here though?"
"So he can leave you presents"
"Like a 'reverse burglar'?"
"No, he's just a jolly person who wants to reward all the good children in the world"
"But...... how does he know which children are good?"
"Because he watches them all through the year and if they're good...."
"How does he judge if they're good?"
"Erm, because he does.... as that's what he does"
"Ok - but how can he visit every child in the world in one night?"
"Well, he has a magic sleigh pulled by reindeer and.."
"Flying reindeer"
"Yes, flying reindeer..."
"Who can time travel"
"Pardon? - why would they want to time-travel?"
"Logically, he can't get all around the world in one night unless...."
"Fine - he can time travel"
"And walk through fire"
"Yes, he can walk through fire"
"And he sees everything in the world like Zeus?"
"He sees who's been good and who's been bad"
"I suppose you want me to go to sleep now?"
"Well, that would be nice dear"
"But, if I go to sleep, the magic man who can walk through fire, and time travel, and has flying reindeer, and who sees what everyone does throughout the year might come here - but he can also move like Samurai and I wouldn't hear him, but he might have a sword and chop my arms off"

"Honey - it's your turn to try and get him to sleep and where's that bloody sherry?!"

Oh, the joys of parenting.

Postscript - BUT Santa does exist, so there!!