Paris Hilton Gets Fucked

Yes - THE Paris Hilton and no, it's not a charity event, although I think she might be needing it - the event thing rather than the other.

She has to raise funds somehow.

The 'queen of spending money' has just discovered that Grandpa Hilton - provider of funds for all her ludicrous activities and imbecilic behaviour, has donated all his money to charity.

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

This rather hinders her credit card payments and ability to be frivolous beyond belief. In fact, the billions she was expecting have been given instead to worthy causes.

It's not very Gothic but, ok, I did allow myself a somewhat dignified, but essentially satisfying chortle.

Welcome to the real world, my myopic bimbo.

Now, you will actually have to do stuff for a change. This should be interesting in a fashion that you have never achieved in your 'well-earned' rise to stardom, money and 'pissing it all away' behaviour.

Just think of the career openings with such an illustrious and compelling CV - tsk, tsk *berates himself* I read 'did fuck all' when it should have said...'.

However, always the heroic Goth, I have some suggestions for new movies that she could take a starring role in (apart from the obvious pornographic material - released on the Internet, accidentally on purpose):-

• The Good, The Bad and the Plain Fucking Stupid


• "Ooops, There Goes My Inheritance Vicar"


• Ready, Steady, Fucked


• Gone In 60 Seconds


• Nightmare On Cash Point

However, being a nice Goth, I feel compelled to help her (well, I don't really, I'm just trying to be a better person) - what other movies could she shamelessly star in to furnish her lavish lifestyle??