What Would Gandalf Do?

I remember reading this is one of those articles for indecisive people in one of those crap magazines that purvey this nonsense - "In such and such a situation, try to think what would Gandalf do?". Now I'm no expert on Lord of the Rings, but I'm pretty sure the answer is 'twat you on the head with his staff'. I'm not really sure how this is supposed to help people to make decisions effectively, or even remotely help those who couldn't decide what to do if their arse was on fire.

In the first place, Gandalf wouldn't do anything because he's a fictional character. Every aspect of his decision making was scripted by a little professor sitting in his crystal cage at Oxford University.

I know what Gandalf would do if he was a Goth - and the reason I know this is because I played one of those boring text-role-play games on a very early BBC Micro (computer). The conversation went something like this:-

Gandalf - Bilbo has approached and suggested we take the left fork on this road, what do you want to do?
Reply - Kill Bilbo
Gandalf - Are you sure? Y/N
Reply - Absofuckinglutely YYYYY
Gandalf - Bilbo has disappeared in a ball of flames and is no use to you now

*out loud* "Good, the little fucker was annoying the shit out of me anyway, burbling on about his travels and crap"

Obviously, the Gothic film version of the substantial trilogy would be a lot shorter - in fact, probably shorter than the trailer. But at least you would know all the annoying little gits were dead and you would have made informed, if somewhat cruel, decisions.

So, for all you indecisive people out there, I suggest you either think - What Would the Gothic Gandalf do?

or alternatively

don't buy magazines that have inane drivel as their articles - and there's a fucking lot out there, my little Gothic Space Cadets.