martes, enero 01, 2008

What Would Gandalf Do?

I remember reading this is one of those articles for indecisive people in one of those crap magazines that purvey this nonsense - "In such and such a situation, try to think what would Gandalf do?". Now I'm no expert on Lord of the Rings, but I'm pretty sure the answer is 'twat you on the head with his staff'. I'm not really sure how this is supposed to help people to make decisions effectively, or even remotely help those who couldn't decide what to do if their arse was on fire.

In the first place, Gandalf wouldn't do anything because he's a fictional character. Every aspect of his decision making was scripted by a little professor sitting in his crystal cage at Oxford University.

I know what Gandalf would do if he was a Goth - and the reason I know this is because I played one of those boring text-role-play games on a very early BBC Micro (computer). The conversation went something like this:-

Gandalf - Bilbo has approached and suggested we take the left fork on this road, what do you want to do?
Reply - Kill Bilbo
Gandalf - Are you sure? Y/N
Reply - Absofuckinglutely YYYYY
Gandalf - Bilbo has disappeared in a ball of flames and is no use to you now

*out loud* "Good, the little fucker was annoying the shit out of me anyway, burbling on about his travels and crap"

Obviously, the Gothic film version of the substantial trilogy would be a lot shorter - in fact, probably shorter than the trailer. But at least you would know all the annoying little gits were dead and you would have made informed, if somewhat cruel, decisions.

So, for all you indecisive people out there, I suggest you either think - What Would the Gothic Gandalf do?

or alternatively

don't buy magazines that have inane drivel as their articles - and there's a fucking lot out there, my little Gothic Space Cadets.

10 comentarios:

PI dijo...

Being Piscean I suffer from indecisiveness - a lot of the time. It used to be 'What would Jesus do'? but that seems to me to be rather arrogant to imagine one could wear his shoes. So I dither.
I hope you have a really happy 2008:)

Princess of the Universe dijo...

Bilbo had a pretty small role in the trilogy- but I agree he was annoying. Kudos for killing him off.
Does that mean I'm not allowed to do Cosmo quizzes anymore???

SpanishGoth dijo...

Pat -> I was going to mention about the jesus quote but decided to leave it this time. All the best for 2008 my dear

Princess -> I know but I still wanted to kill him off - hee hee.

Of course you can still do your quizzes

Daphne Wayne-Bough dijo...

Don't you like hobbits then? I find they can be quite useful, for resting one's feet on when watching TV, etc.

Stacie dijo...

Did you ever play Bard's Tale? I freakin' loved that game....I miss my characters....they were such a part of my life..gosh...I'm such a geek!
Stacie

Victoria Gothic dijo...

Hell yes. Kill Bilbo.

Tom dijo...

What would Gandalf do? Probably blether on and on about some some mystical pseudo-religious bollocks until everyone died of boredom. Why yes, I have read the books. No, I did not enjoy them. I would sooner remove my eyes with hot spoons than watch the films.

Oh yeah - happy new year to you Goth.

SpanishGoth dijo...

Daphne -> you do seem to have somewhat of a liking for vertically challenged creatures ;-)

Stacie -> I never was/am a huge games fan - that game started after I was banished to the teacher's cupboard during Physics lessons and he happened to have a computer in there

V Gothic -> Already done - and there ain't no coming back from the dead

Tom -> after lighting his pipe of course... All the best to you in 2008 too

Mr Farty dijo...

As a Pastafarian, I think I'm supposed to ask What Would A Pirate Do?

Me hearties.

SpanishGoth dijo...

Mr Farty -> 'What would a pirate do?' - shiver timbers or something else that created a plank