lunes, enero 21, 2008

The Good Samaritan

So, according to 'The Burble', JC and his Sunshine Gang used to go around telling tales with a meaning to them. One of such Parables was that of The Good Samaritan.

Apparently, it was so popular that people believed that the shit actually happened. Fortunately, some good Samaritans, created a website and they even have their own telephone number.

Now, as the four gospels didn't even agree with each other, welcome to the Fifth Element - The Gospel According To Goth....

The Parable

A lawyer went to see JC and being a smartarse (as all legal twats are) he tried to catch JC out.

"So, how can I live forever then?" the lawyer asked.

JC thought about it and gave the usual answer about saying that his dad was really great and if you love everyone, especially your neighbour, then you would be cool and all the little flowers would be happy.

The lawyer knew the law about adultery and divorce settlements but wanted to make sure he had as big a market share as possible.

"AHA" he said, "But what if my neighbour is a right fat scrubber who smells like a badgers arse?"

JC sat back, took a huge hit from his spliff and then said....

"Dude, a man from Jean City is walking down a street when he gets attacked by poisonous dwarves. Shortly afterwards, a priest walks past and crosses to the other side leaving him bleeding. Five minutes later, a guy from Levi Street does the same thing. Finally, a fat scrubber walks past, tends to his wounds and takes him to the hospital. Who was truly the man's neighbour?"

"Well, as you haven't mentioned the residential status of the priest or the scrubber" replied the anally-retentive, and thus qualified, lawyer, "By reason of elimination, it should be the one who lives in Levi Street. It would be far too obvious for a jury to figure out the obvious and then the defendant wouldn't need me"

"Oh for fucks sake you muppet!!" said an exasperated JC " - it's the scrubber because she looked after him. Therefore, if you go and do likewise you will live forever".

"So I can eat as many pies as I want and be dead big and fat" said the lawyer, "As long as I help idiots who have been mugged by dwarves?"

At which point the Sunshine Gang gave the lawyer a bloody good hiding.

They also left instructions for the Gospel writers to change the names of the characters to make them more believable, apart from JC and the lawyer, who everyone agreed was a cunt anyway.

9 comentarios:

Tom dijo...

First!

+100 points for the lawyer getting a right good drubbing.

You are no doubt aware that there are more than four gospels? Apparently, Thomas, James, Peter and even Mary (a woman, *gasp*!) had a bash. Of course, the abridged, expurgated, tainted and generally buggered-about-with versions neglect to mention that.

It is, of course, still completely true.

SpanishGoth dijo...

Tom -> yes.. I know, it was an illusion to the Fifth Beatle ;-)

Anónimo dijo...

* sharp intake of breath *

Oooo... you are naughty, taking the piss out of John Cleese, if that's the JC you mention.

If you mean the other twat, then you're gonna get done over by a gang of camp-followers of the Nazarene Carpenter. That might even issue a "fatwa". No, sorry, that's the camp-followers of the Dead Paedophile isn't it?.

Daphne Wayne-Bough dijo...

Shouldn't that be "McNonimo" ? He's so sweet, he thinks no-one recognizes him. BUT GOD SEES EVERYONE EVEN YOU WEE JOCK!

As far as child sex goes, you should know that Ravi Shankar's first wife was 14 when they married. Ditto Jerry Lee Lewis.

john.g. dijo...

LMFAO!!!

SpanishGoth dijo...

Anon -> me take the piss out of the hippy? never

Daphne -> let's not head into Michael Jackson territory eh?

JG -> 6 more days of them yet bud

Sewmouse dijo...

You know, if you put in all the little chapter/verse markers and got it all organized and whatnot - I bet you could get some publisher to bite on the "Goth Burble"...

just sayin'

john.g. dijo...

Cant wait!

SpanishGoth dijo...

Sewmouse and JG -> it's already 75% done :)