Following on from the previous posting I started thinking about what possible use one could have for carrying a copy of the bible with you. Obviously, you could, in theory, read it, but it's so bloody boring.
Anyway, most of the people who preach about it haven't actually read it in the first place so that can't be a reason to carry it around - except for revision (which there seems to be plenty of).
Apparently, it's the most 'stolen' book in the world. Personally, I think that has a helluva lot to do with the fact that they leave free ones in hotel rooms. I can't quite figure out why anyone would want to steal one from a hotel - it doesn't actually prove that you've been to The Savoy or anything - just have away with the towels and robes if they have them.
Anyway, on with the list:-
5) - Discovering a Level. There are few things more annoying than a table or chair with one leg that's not quite long enough. Why waste perfectly good beer mats trying to solve the problem if you can rip something out of your trusty bible and level the surface?!
4) - Stairway To Heaven. A handy little boost for reaching things that are just out of reach. Of course, the shorter you are, the more copies you need to lug around.
3) - Self Preservation. Annoying little bastards that the God Squad are, they sometimes take to the streets to convert shoppers into believers. A nice solid THWACK around the head from the book usually clears a path.
2) - Finding The Light. If, as a smoker, you find yourself at home with no means of lighting your cigarette/spliff and only an electric hob - fear not. Tear out a page, carefully fold lengthwise and press against one ring switched on full. Within seconds - fire. Fucking genius eh?!
1) - Cleansing R Soul. You could suddenly feel an 'intruder in your valley', rush to a public convenience and then discover there is no toilet paper left. Just tear out a few pages from the book, and cleanse. Revelations my arse - so to speak.
As per usual, I'm sure there are some that I missed out so, over to you.