As an equal opportunity employer, Heaven Inc. will accept applications from any retard that makes a better job of the USA, makes 'tolerance' and 'religion' fit into the same sentence and explains what the fuck a 'duck-billed platypus' is, without alcohol or drugs.
This role is only temporary, but could possibly lead to a permanent position in the future/past or present tense.
- Omnipotence - the ability to be everywhere, all at the same time, without needing a timetable, map or compass
- Inventiveness - to create stuff that creatures didn't know they needed, like Marmite, pineapples and things that go "woooo"
- An absence of logic - for example, giving kangaroos pouches for shopping, no credit cards, big tails and a propensity to jump, like rabbits on acid
- Facial Hair - beards are very good for marketing purposes - unless you are female and like marrying your own relatives
- Bullshitability - covering your arse with phrases that mean nothing, except to the 'believers' who can't check owt
References - must be from other Gods but only those who have an entry in Wisdens Almighty Almanac.
Remuneration - will be provided in the form of large groups of idiots building temples and singing your praises.
Closing Date for applications - the day before all the shit really kicks off - otherwise known as Armadillo Day.
Please forward all applications to PO Box 666, Godsville, Heaven.