The Tony Blair Which Project?

I presume it must be tricky stepping down from one of the most powerful positions in the world today. What project do you take on next? The desire to do something single-handedly must be a major male desire - whoops, that's masturbation.

Anyway, having totally fixed Northern Ireland all on his own, I guess the only bigger challenge is fixing the Middle East conflict. I mean that has to represent a bigger challenge right? They've been kicking the shit out of each other for thousands of years and if you can just turn up, play your theme tune 'Things Can Only Get Better' and it's fixed - instant hero worship.

But, how does the messiah start with this process? Well, first you'd need a film crew to fuck about in the woods for a few days. You wouldn't want to spend any money as that would be stupid - but, luckily enough, being best mates with G W(anker) Bush you can get CNN to do it for free.

However, pissing about in the woods is labourious and you might encounter a big Brown bear, so you should take some friends with you. It also helps if your wife can scare the shit out of critters by just coming out of the closet, sorry, tent - with a face pack on. Thus Blair proclaimed a 'War on Terror' and so it became illegal to be a vampire, or ogre, or monster of any kind especially if you had a beard - which meant you were completely fucked if you were a werewolf.

Hence, the next chapter of the Blair Project began and people ran about screaming "Allah, the shit is not working" and Blair said "Give it time, for time is our greatest ally in the fight against evil" in a slightly sanctimonious and somewhat patronising way.

And thus, the Brown bear was propped up in the corner and as the camera fell to the ground one could just hear the screaming in the background "I didn't mean to fuck the budget up Lord Evil".........