miércoles, septiembre 12, 2007

Three Not So Wise Men

A long time, in a galaxy far away, lived three wise men. Well, sort of. Firstly, they weren't so wise at all and spent most of their time completely stoned staring at the stars. "Dude, that totally looks like a giraffe" said one "No way dude, it's a camel" said another and the third one just spluttered out a cough as he had inhaled too deeply.

At some point, one of them claimed to have received a message from god, which is obviously completely ridiculous as mobile phones weren't even invented then. "The big man says we have to follow the shining light and we will see the son of god" said Bob the Not-so-Wise. "Oh fucking hell" said Arthur-the-Slightly-Idiotic "I bet that means we have to take presents and everything". "Guys" exclaimed Dylan-the-Retard "I think I can see the camel now" and took another long drag on the monster spliff they had been sharing.

So the three not so wise men arranged some taxis, which were actually camels as the car hadn't been invented then, loaded up their presents, and some clean underwear and some biscuits in case they got the munchies.

"Wait" said Bob, who was probably the wisest of the three "What are you guys taking as presents? I mean we totally don't want to piss god off - he might set fire to our beards or anything. I'm taking gold". "Aha" said Arthur "Well I've got this francincense stuff which is totally in fashion at the moment". "What's that?" asked Dylan to which Arthur could only reply "Er, I don't actually know but have a whiff" and thus the other two inhaled deeply.

Finally, it was Dylan's turn to reveal his gift to the son of god. "It's myrrh" he proudly exclaimed "I haven't got a clue what it is but Ali Baba at the all-night cave convinced me it was the dogs bollocks".

Once they had loaded everything on the camels, they set off to follow the shining light. Within hours they were completely lost and had to ask a passing merchant for help. They explained about their mission and following the light to which the merchant replied "That's the moon you idiots. The son of god is that way, just follow the signs for Messiah".

A few days later the three not-so-wise men arrived at the cosy little shed where the baby jesus was busy making halos around the animals heads. They presented their gifts to the grateful parents and explained that the child would become famous and lead mankind to a glorious future of peace and love. But first they explained that the family must flee the land as the evil nutter Herod was going to kill all the children.

After they left they stopped off for another spliff and as they sat around the fire, they marvelled as little sparks danced around. "Dude" said Bob the Not-so-Wise to Dylan "We should be proud that we have saved the son of god with our wise words and warnings" "Indeed." said Arthur "And Dylan you remembered the bit about the romans and the crucifixtion" to which Dylan-the-Retard inhaled really deeply before replying "Shit, I totally forgot about that bit".

19 comentarios:

PI dijo...

That reminds me I was given 'Frankincense & Myrrh' for Christmas. The instructions are a little complicated involving old syrup tin lids and a gentle heat source, but promises a wonderful aroms.

john.g. dijo...

It's the Peoples f*cking front of Judea... splitters!

Princess of the Universe dijo...

So Myrrh is another smelly thing? I always wondered about that...

Dip-Dop-Crabtree dijo...

Very very instructive, Goth, excellent!

Forgive the novice? For all the sotises which are going to follow!

As three small pigs, pursued by the wolf which he, had certainly smoked some Indian hemp I "croix"? , They took refuge with a straw house,As the small bed of Jesus? But the guy of "lou-loup baba-cool" Blew him ! Then they went to the wooden house,Built by Josephe a guy of the corner, a carpenter of his profession,But the character not missing breath, gets through it (or taboo?).
Then they built a brick-built house and they added flowers,The wolf then " I am going to blow, to burst out, to to spit my "tripes"(guts)! " But the house did not move.They built a fireplace(chimney), and since this time there we put down deposit our small shoes there (44 girl!!) ,Near "la crèche "by waiting not for the rois-mages because they are plastic as garden gnomes!! But one the other secret agent who is alone him for us bring the famous presents?

Any parallel with your history would be pure one fate!!
Is it due to the pineau of the Charente? Or in the volutes of the incense??

« Courbe la tête, fier Sicambre, adore ce que tu as brûlé et brûle ce que tu as adoré ».

Zut encore trop long !!

You Sick Bastard! dijo...

Sounds like a Medieval version of Boondock Saints. Minus the killing and a cross dressing William Dafoe.

SpanishGoth dijo...

Pat -> I have tried them before and they are very relaxing

JG -> can't beat the Life of Brian

Princess -> Indeed and quite nice it is too

Dip-Dop -> may indeed have happened - those wolves do get around a bit

YSB -> slightly older than Medieval but I take your point

Sewmouse dijo...

Seems to me I remember something about Myrrh being an embalming resin thing.

Ugh. What a nasty gift to give a kid!

However, it was probably less toxic than bringing him toys made in China.

phoenix dijo...

Aaah it's good to be back reading the comforting words of Goth's bible. xx

yorlor dijo...

was one intoxicated by the heady/earthy aromas of both F&M at an aromatherapy conference. highly recommend them both. if i recall, one was a bit more spice [the F, i think].

goth, what got you on the bible [bee-blay] kick? and why haven't we the story of david and bathsheeba?

SpanishGoth dijo...

Sewmouse -> I don't think they had teddy bears back then

Phoenix -> been awhile since you were around - glad you enjoyed

Yorlor -> what got me started was an article about jesus being a pothead....

Tippler dijo...

Did Sheeba have a bath, then?

Rich bitch...

Stacie dijo...

I always wondered what that stuff was...now I just wonder why they brought a kid potpourri as a gift. Wierd.
Stacie

SpanishGoth dijo...

Tippler -> I had a cat called Sheeba and she hated baths

Stacie -> weird? in a bible story - no, someone would have noticed

zoe dijo...

they didn't even give him an action man? strewth, what is this world coming to.

SpanishGoth dijo...

Well, they did have an empty box which they called the 'Action Man Deserter' model

yorlor dijo...

bring forth the article. i'm chill with the big j hitting the spliffies. i mean, come on! the romans decide they can't hang you and you still can't run amok with the salt of the earth?
pft.
pass it, brother.

tippler, i had a sunday school teacher told the story of bathsheeba... still makes me laugh to this day.

SpanishGoth dijo...

Yorlor -> 'One so wise should search or wise they will not be' as Master Yoda would say...

It was HERE - Jesus, Pothead thing

yorlor dijo...

brother love, page not found.
pisser. ...... 'ere.

SpanishGoth dijo...

If you search the archive on the blog, it's the entry for February 19th