jueves, octubre 11, 2007

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Well, I hate to tell you this 'mailshot' wankers, but I am not really the person you want to be sending this spam shit to. But, I have seen The Matrix, and I know Neo is 'The One' - so save yourself some time and send your lonely people to Keanu Reeves thankyou.

I am used to having to delete the spam mail I get on the various e-mail accounts but normally it is boring shit like:-

'Enlarge Your Penis...' what, by tying a brick on a piece of string to it?
'Get Your Love Life Started With Viagra...' as opposed to trying to have sex with someone attractive?
'I Am Stuck In Africa With A Fortune...' well, if you're that fucking rich, why are you stuck there then?

So, what is the weirdest SPAM mail you have received, and what would your reply be?

10 comentarios:

kimmyk dijo...

oh i get the penis ones but the irish lottery is killin' me these days. every freakin' day i win the irish lottery...where's the money???

Tom Joad dijo...

I had one of the penis enlargement ones that stood out from the rest (gag intended, if not very good) this morning. It said "average dicks get average hoes". I don't wish to go into penile dimension details here, but I have a very big hoe. It's so useful for shifting those stubborn weeds.

PI dijo...

I get about ten penis ones per day (Pat you see) appallingly written and matey and gut wrenchingly nauseating.

Chopski dijo...

Some of my relatives died in a plane crash in Africa somewhere and for a small fee I can have whatever money is rightfully mine??!! WTF?!!

john.g. dijo...

I've only had one Nigerian lottery one, all I did was hit the spam button.

JolietJake dijo...

I once got a spam/junk mail that said "you too can learn a foreign language in 14 days in the country of your choice", I replied "Yes Please". I couldn't believe I had a useful junk mail.

I came back five weeks later with a broken leg and spent another 3 weeks in hospital. Junk mail? It's bad shit.

SpanishGoth dijo...

Kimmy -> You won the lottery? WOOHOO - oh, yeah, it's a crock of shit :(

Tom -> nice gag and I know what you mean about hoes, I especially like that convenient hole they have

Pat -> you could just think it was flattery

Chopski -> that'll be you third cousin 400 times removed (well, only removed once from the planet) but you get the point

JG -> Bully !! hitting that spam button

JJ -> Aussie doesn't count as a foreign language - just because no fucker can understand them

Stacie dijo...

I get the penis enlargement email all the time, which is wierd in the sense that I don't really have a penis unless you count the one attached to my husband, and even then, it's not really mine is it? Besides which, I don't really have a complaint about the size of it..

I would reply: Dear sirs..when I get my penis, I will be sure to consider your company in the running for enlarging it, until then, please kindly fuck off.
Thank you.

Daphne Wayne-Bough dijo...

OK I didn't get this one personally, but apparently it was going around a couple of years ago ... a Nigerian astronaut is stuck up in space and has been e-mailing people (from the laptop in the spaceship presumably) asking for their help to release the 10 million dollars salary acccumulated in his US bank account. That NASA must be a great place to work, eh?

I think it was a spoof. Even Nigerians are not that crazy.

SpanishGoth dijo...

Stacie -> 'I get penis enlargement all the time' ?! oops sorry, misread that. But I was impressed with the polite 'until then, fuck off' bit

Daphne -> 'A Nigerian was stuck in space and...' - sounds like the prelude to a shit joke. Guess that's what spam's about