When Arthur came around he was aware of Goth mopping his forehead with a towel, and vaguely aware of what he had seen appear in the doorway. "Please tell me that wasn't an Octopus" pleaded Arthur. "OK, it wan't an Octopus" said Goth Perfect in a calm and reassuring way, which didn't really work as Arthur was far from reassured and at least 3 tube stations from calm on the Mental Line.
"Would you like a nice cup of tea Sir?" asked the Octopus standing behind Arthur. Arthur spun around and promptly fainted again. Once Goth and the Octopus had revived Arthur, Goth tried to explain the situation. "Look beyond the tentacles, and hands, and myriad of eyes and..." Goth paused "Look, he's on our side but we have a bit of a problem".
"Bit of a problem?" screeched Arthur "There's a bloody talking Octopus here - I just want to go home". He sank back exhausted from the effort. "That might be a bit tricky" said Goth warily "And, we have a meeting first, with the Emperor". Arthur curled up in a ball and meekly asked "Which Emperor?"
"Ooo, ooo me, me" said the Octopus holding up six arms/tentacles - "You're going to see the Vegan Emperor, Pea McCartney.... but he's not very happy with your planet"
"Indeed" said Goth Perfect "We may have a few problems here". "Anyway - we have to go before we get our friend here into trouble". Just as they were preparing to leave, the Carrot Police arrived, got out their carrot sticks and arrested Goth and Arthur for cruelty to vegetables. Then they were taken to be interrogated by the Emperor, sitting on his holy bag of compost. On the end of a chain, which the Emperor was holding, was a small creature waving a daffodil at Goth and Arthur saying "Meat is murder, meat is murder!".
The Emperor yanked on the chain - "Shut up Morris Pea" warbled the Emperor (who'd been known to sing the odd ditty or two). It was the most hideous sound Arthur had heard. "But I wrote this one myself - I'm sure you'd like to hear it" proclaimed the Emperor "Scrambled eggs.... do dee do dee doo dee do dee do". There was a vacant pause whilst Goth and Arthur struggled for something to say before the Emperor continued "But, I haven't quite finished the lyrics yet".
Before Goth had a chance to stop him, Arthur stepped forward and asked "Can I go back now? I promise to speak to no-one about this". Goth held his breath - he knew Vegans were most displeased at anyone leaving or coming early of one of their recitals.
"Speak to Yono?" shouted the Emperor in a very angry voice "Right, that's the end of the world as you know it, and I feel fine" and pressed the button on the Liquidizer. Goth just bowed his head as Arthur watched everything he knew get turned into mush.
Once things had smoothied out, the Emperor turned to his Carrot Police and said "Eject them". 'Tremend-arse' thought Goth, 'Now we're really in deep shit nine'. Goth Perfect and Arthur Dent were marched to a small room and locked inside."This isn't so bad" said Arthur "I mean, the pastel shades are quite fetching in a way really". "Well, we're up the shitter this time my ex-gay friend" said Goth, "When they open the door, we will shoot off into space and die within 30 seconds unless the God of Fuck intervenes".
'Die' thought Arthur, 'isn't that a bad thing?' but before he could think any further, the door opened and Goth and Arthur were jettisoned into space. The last thing Arthur could remember was counting down, or was it up, to what he knew was the end of life as he knew it.
*to be continued*