jueves, abril 26, 2007

Goth Bond Stars in ThunderBalls PT III

*(Review - Goth Bond and his favourite, Pussy - yes Pussy Galore are back. Bond has done away with the evil Prozac and is now after the Big Bangs stolen by Number 1 & Number 2, agents for the evil Fill Spector)*

Once Goth Bond has arrived on shore he goes straight to his super-spy equipped BMW. Immediately after he gets in, a voice announces that he has a video message. Bond keyed in the security code and watched the message from Y. Y informed Bond that the Big Bangs have been tracked to Nassau and that an airlift has been arranged to transport Bond and his super-spy car direct to Nassau. Bond sends a text message to Y telling him that he needs Pussy for this and to fly her to Nassau too - Bond is aware of how much easier the mission will be with Pussy alongside him.

A couple of hours later, the large Sikorsky helicopter deposits Bond and the car on the island of Nassau. Bond has discovered that the evil mastermind behind this plan is the cunning and relentless Libido. Initially, Goth decides to get to Libido via his soft spot, the amply proportioned Domino. Bond doesn't realise that Libido is trying to use Domino's charms to kill him and the effect of her charms are certainly working. Bond can feel the motion in his tight leather trousers as the sight of her heaving bosom promises untold riches. 'Get a grip of yourself Bond' he thinks, and then realises that the movement is actually his mobile phone that's vibrating.

"Excuse me" says Bond "I have to take this" and answers the call. "Alright" says Bond finishing the call. "Something to worry about?" asks Domino. "Indeed" says Bond in a grave tone of voice "It's your brother" he says. "My brother has your number?" asks a clearly surprised Domino. "No" says Bond "Your brother's dead, killed by your beloved Libido". It takes a few seconds to sink in and then Domino collapses. Bonds lightning fast reflexes mean that he is able to catch her before she hits the ground. "That'll be the domino effect then" he said quietly.

After Goth Bond has revived Domino, he takes her to bed. He hadn't wanted it to be this way but he is too much of a gentleman to turn her down - a damsel in a dress. All the time that they make love though, all he can see is Pussy - probably the reason why he is O-69. Later, Domino confides in Bond and explains where Libido is. Goth Bond is determined to find Libido, save Pussy and generally save the world - in a cool but laid back way.

Bond calls Y - "Chief, we have to pull together" and frowns as Domino takes his phrase literally. To Bonds great relief, Y understands why and orders shit loads of fish.

Indeed, they need the help of the Navy Seals for this one, and fishy smells are all that can tempt the Seals.

Meanwhile, Libido thinks he is getting everything right - he starts pushing the right buttons. Libido sends a lot of little divers into the cave where he will hatch his proof of dominance. However, Bond knows this is the time to repel such an action, so he dons his rubber suit and plunges deep. Down there, it's a dangerous place but Goth Bond knows what he is doing. Almost in slow motion, he thrusts...but, will it be enough?

The Seals are gobbling like there is no tomorrow but Goth Bond keeps his head - he knows there's more to come. Slowly, but surely, Goth raises his head from the deep but, Libido is still not finished. Libido has jumped ship and tries to escape but Bond is having none of it. "Fine" says Bond, "If you want to play dirty, kiss my arse". Bond reaches for his utility belt and pulls out the weapon that U didn't want to see. It's the circum-navigating-circumcising-never-want-to go-there device. Goth Bond launches it and there is a resounding wail of pain as Libido is well and truly rogered.

"That'll teach you to mess with Goth Bond Libido" says Bond as Pussy comes and says, "Another one tonight Goth - I have to share again?".

"It's ok" says Bond, "This is for your mouth only"

*Theme music - 'He's the man, the man with the Thunderballs so please don't touch'*

4 comentarios:

kimmyk dijo...

Not the: "circum-navigating-circumcising-never-want-to go-there device"

Anything but that.

I think if I were a guy I'd want to have THUNDERBALLS. I wonder if when he walks and the clang together does lightning shoot out his ass? Just askin'.

Drama Queen dijo...

Damn. Gotta be quick to get here first. . .

Mr. X dijo...

That pull together joke was really appalling.

And how comes the Aston got swapped for a Beemer? Dear, dear..

Although we do enjoy seeing lots of pussy on our browser, thank you.

SpanishGoth dijo...

Kimmy -> wouldn't know, being of a slightly more delicate nature

DQ -> indeed, out-thought me as I'd posted early knowing I'd be off-site today

Mr X -> appalling? Blame it on the vin rouge, I do