sábado, enero 27, 2007

Brussels Bans Hearing

Following their hugely successful and as usual, perfectly implemented, decision to ban smoking - the powers that 'want to be' have decided to ban hearing. Using the same logic, pattern and ineptitude as the smoking ban, the European Parliament ratted (sorry, ratified) this law which comes into effect on the 29th February 2007.

European spokesperson - Tony Mc Moaney announced in wibbilly English "Och, well the shite goes something like this......... " at which point our correspondent applied the new law and stopped listening.

To summarize the 6089 page, tree-killing document that was issued by the Mussels in Brussels - I have taken the liberty of simplyfying it for you.

A Brief Outline

Firstly, a policy of selective hearing will be applied (which, when announced was given a standing ovation by the male members of parliament as they realised that it wouldn't change their lives at all). It will be illegal to hear in public places where people are talking shite. Homeless people must be ignored, no address - no existence. A partial ban will apply to questions - if a ratio of 69% of the question is deemed stupid, it can be ignored. It will be against the law to listen to people attempting to speak another language in a silly accent. Likewise, any references to shopping in busy shops will be against the law.

Secondly, statements like 'your round mate' will be against the law as will 'your turn to change green slime filled nappy'. Religion remains largely unaffected, as no-one was actually listening to start with. However, pop concerts will be affected as a large gathering of people listening to Take Twat could be arrested and thrown into Git Bay.

Thirdly, jazz is completely fucked (if you don't know, it's simply 4, usually excellent musicians, playing 4 different songs at the same time while bozos nod and say things like "groovy"). Of course, deaf people are exempt from this act but maybe, just maybe, they will now be treated as equal citizens.

Finally, the ban may not be as effective in other European countries as an inside source informed us that there were ructions within the language booths as cat-fights had not been completed between interpreters over who could look at the documentation (two documents issued, three people) "Mine" "But I need to look at it as I'm going live" *snatches documents and turns into Gollum* "NO!!!, my precious, we wants them, we needs them" "Just for a minute?""But I needs them and I wants them"."oh, putain!".

America laughed, well Condescending Rice did, as she said "oh you Europeans, always playing Ketchup aren't you?!".

The aftermath of this was summed up quite eloquently by the barman in the nearest pub when the pontificating Euro-twats went for drinks to celebrate. He applied the new law and none of the fuckers got served.

a luego,

ps no need to comment - la la la not listening *grins smuggly and gets squashed by a horn blaring bus*

1 comentario:

SpanishGoth dijo...

Well I'll comment then

Nice post me
I quite liked it
Don't you worry about talking to yourself
Not really, Gollum did it and he went to Hollywood
errr, actually he died
Oh yeah - forgot about that
Good job I'm here to remind you
Anyway I'm off to see my new pretend best friend
bye *wipes a tear from his eye*