*sings* "I'm just a teenage Gothbag baby, listen to Iron Maiden maybe"
Indeed, I am just a child at heart. Granted, unlike a teenager I don't need piles of Kleenex tissues for anything other than blowing my nose any more but the petty behaviour and moodiness remain. I also remain as organised as a middle-east tyrants defence team - i.e. not at all. Every time I travel anywhere I skin the times as close as I can (sometimes fooking up in spectacular fashion).
Knowing that I have to catch the train every day does not prompt me to buy a travel card - far too organised. Unfortunately, mi mariposa does not appreciate this behaviour and so yesterday, she insisted on cutting into my drinking time to get one of these travel cards. I know the theory is sound but, boll-ucks, it's so boring, grown-up and organised. (or so she thought ;-) First requirement, a passport photo. Thus, thrust into one of those crappy photo machines I was. Ha ha - what a waste of 4 euros.
Fixng my hair #FLASH# 'oy, I didn't say I was' #FLASH# '....ready' #FLASH# 'you fooking' #FLASH# 'grrr - listen to me you jumped up son of a polaroid camera' #FLASH#. And there we have 4 euros worth of my life in pictures. A complete mess and nothing you could effectively use even on Gothstoppers the TV series. Fortunately, the guy that issues the cards was slightly myopic and thus he decided that one of them was usable. Hooray, I've joined the cardigan brigade and no longer will I have to do the 'dumb english person abroad' trick every day when I get busted for not having a ticket.
I love being english when I want to be stupid - and then I get offended if people call me english because I'm not - I'm WELSH you barstewards (unless I'm watching football because as a nation we are spectacularly crap at that - I mean, who would appoint Vinnie Jones as their captain?!!! Yeah, if we were entering the nut-crunching cup maybe but not football. Then they wonder why the wonderful Ryan Giggs doesn't play that often for Wales. That'll be because he's tired of trying to beat 11 players on is own.......ha ha, saves that trick for when Utd play Arsewhingers in the FA cup). Back to being a teenager again *chuckles to himself*.
Yikes I digressed again.
So now I've taken the plunge and got this marvellous piece of cardboard in a cute little plastic wrapper, I'm not actually sure what benefits I have inherited. Unlike my Frequent Flyer cards, I don't see access to the business lounge with free alcohol, food and comfy armchairs on offer. The only discernable one appears that as owner of a Frequent Freak card - I don't have to join the queue of morons. You know, the ones who join the queue for tickets without actually knowing which ticket they want, when and can thus pay and speed off to catch their trains. No longer will I stand there day dreaming that if I had a 20-pound haddock with me I could swipe Mrs Miggins off her feet and straight into the INFORMATION DESK!! with a resounding *THWACK*. Figure it out first you old freak and stop making the rest of us miss our connections.
I suppose I could get the tippex out and change the 'second' to 'first' class but again, it doesn't appear to make that much of a difference really (except that the train company charge you more). Not at all like Business Class on a plane where you actually get.......well, no, you don't actually get that much benefit at all. Ok, so instead of a crusty chicken sandwich you get smoked salmon but that's not that much of a benefit if you don't like bloody fish anyway (like me). Occassionally, you might get free champagne on boarding but I know from experience, booking Business Class is a complete waste of time on any flight from the Sprout back to blighty on a Friday afternoon. The plane is half full of Business class and they just cram them in exactly the same as the cattle at the back.
Thinking about this clearly, I don't think I do want to be a teenage anything. I seem to remember the whole period of teenage years as being spectacularly hateful. But, I shall leave that subject for another post I think.
*clutches his Frequent Freak card and scuttles to the railway station*,