In Genesis, god was really busy inventing triangles where all the sides were equal and all the angles added up to 180 when..
"Oh for fuck's sake - now it's gone all squidgy" said god looking at his now isoceles triangle "What do you want now Jacob?"
"Sorry - I didn't mean to spoil anything but when you said to paint the room, well the thing is, I can't do that bit in the top corner so could I have longer arms or something. I tried throwing the paintbrush at it but, watch.."
*throws paintbrush in the air*
"Ow, that was my good eye ... it doesn't bloody work"
God sighed in an ominpotent sort of way and with a loud whooshy sound, a set of stepladders appeared before Jacob
"Fucking cool" said Jacob, in an understated biblical fashion "Is it a stairway to heaven?"
"It might be but, first it will enable you to reach the very corners of the room" boomed god
"So it doesn't actually lead anywhere then?" asked Jacob taking his first tentative steps on the ladder and promptly falling off "They're a bit fucking wobbly, god"
"Well if you hadn't disturbed me while I was busy inventing triangles" but god realised his own importance and thus he sent a big piece of string to stop the ladders from collapsing.
Jacob marvelled at the glory and started marching up and down the stepladders singing to himself
#Now I'm tall, and now I'm small#
which started to piss god off as he was busy trying to finish the triangle connumdrum. God called the nearest free angel, who was named Kevin the Cocky Angel. God sent Kevin to show Jacob the decorator how the ladder was to be used.
Kevin the angel arrived and said to Jacob "Watch this, it's not really very difficult" and proceeded to march up the ladder in a very confident fashion, but when he got to step number 70 he was being a bit too cocky and as he turned to brag to Jacob he fell off and muttered "Fucking hell, they're a bit wobbly" as he tumbled to the floor.
But Jacob had figured it out by now and he said "I shall call you Bethel" which is hebrew for something and he picked up his paintbrush and went to finish the decorating before god decided to turn him into crackers or something equally brittle.