sábado, agosto 11, 2007

Stairway To Heaven

So I've been thinking about this and, assuming that the heaven type place is in an upwardly direction, and that the hell type place is the other way..... oooops, too late.

Anyway, the thing is that you always have to climb a stairway to heaven, laborious time consuming effort designed to make you ponder every decision you have ever taken. Or, sometimes, it's in the form of a ladder, that leads into the bosom of angels but still requires an amount of effort.

Whichever way you look at it, there is no access for people in wheelchairs. Why not god, you useless twat? Because they might leave tyre tracks on your newly laid carpet? Wanker. Can't you just do the 'God and Whack' and get the freshness back?

Or, if you're feeling a little bit tired after a hard day at the orifice, call those lovely people that install stupid lifts on staircases? Then you could speed people up to the bosom of your love at 1 mile per hour.

"Wow, you are so old and grey - but nice beard" exclaims god when they arrive

"I was 6 when I started, and I was a girl too" says the small wizard.

There is another theory, called lifts (or elevators if you live in a backward country).

*small girl steps into lift*

"First floor - perfume, second floor - lingerie, third floor - cooking utensils that nobody uses, sixty ninth floor - heaven" announces the speaker. "Oh, and we'll be playing shit music all the time, and no farting please".

"Erm, just the heaven level please" says the small girl "and before I turn into a wizard please"

*Cool swishy sound* and small soul reaches heaven before puberty.

12 comentarios:

kimmyk dijo...

beautiful story! but sad.

wouldn't that be nice if we could get what we needed by just making a cool swishy sound?

SpanishGoth dijo...

Shit worked on Star Trek

(nice to 'see' you again K)

Princess of the Universe dijo...

I think I live in a backward country...

Cream dijo...

I've just had a vision of Aerosmith making Love in an Elevator.
And then in came AC/DC rambling on about A Highway to Hell...
That's being stuck between Rock and Hard Rock...

Ani dijo...

The problem is that you are thinking. Please desist at once.

zoe dijo...

you have a point about the stairway to heaven - that's if you believe in it - being 'disabled people' unfriendly. johng. should have a word with the old man upstairs.

john.g. dijo...

Zoe, thanks, but I aint going anywhere near heaven! When I snuff it you can chuck me in a canal for all i'm going to care!!

Goth, what about the Stanna stairlift to heaven?

SpanishGoth dijo...

Princess -> would be worse if you went downhill, on a map that is

Cream -> you scare me at times - you're not supposed to know cool music like that ;-)

Ani -> sorry, can't stop thinking, or drinking, or shrinking....

Zed -> not true, I like some spastics

JG -> can I put a turbo on the fucker though - they always seem so slow

zoe dijo...

eh ?

john.g. dijo...

Oh, hell, yes, I feel the need for speed!! (not the drug).

Elaine dijo...

I love the way you think. Reminds me of Terry Pratchett. (which is supposed to be a compliment) Thanks for sharing.

SpanishGoth dijo...

Zoe -> made sense to me

JG -> it would be way to boring otherwise - but one could install a slide for coming back down too?

Elaine -> Tx - I would consider that a compliment and I must read more of his work