Stairway To Heaven

So I've been thinking about this and, assuming that the heaven type place is in an upwardly direction, and that the hell type place is the other way..... oooops, too late.

Anyway, the thing is that you always have to climb a stairway to heaven, laborious time consuming effort designed to make you ponder every decision you have ever taken. Or, sometimes, it's in the form of a ladder, that leads into the bosom of angels but still requires an amount of effort.

Whichever way you look at it, there is no access for people in wheelchairs. Why not god, you useless twat? Because they might leave tyre tracks on your newly laid carpet? Wanker. Can't you just do the 'God and Whack' and get the freshness back?

Or, if you're feeling a little bit tired after a hard day at the orifice, call those lovely people that install stupid lifts on staircases? Then you could speed people up to the bosom of your love at 1 mile per hour.

"Wow, you are so old and grey - but nice beard" exclaims god when they arrive

"I was 6 when I started, and I was a girl too" says the small wizard.

There is another theory, called lifts (or elevators if you live in a backward country).

*small girl steps into lift*

"First floor - perfume, second floor - lingerie, third floor - cooking utensils that nobody uses, sixty ninth floor - heaven" announces the speaker. "Oh, and we'll be playing shit music all the time, and no farting please".

"Erm, just the heaven level please" says the small girl "and before I turn into a wizard please"

*Cool swishy sound* and small soul reaches heaven before puberty.