viernes, agosto 17, 2007

So God Said Fuck Off

Well he didn't actually but he might of, if he wasn't too stoned to notice what was happening. If I was god as opposed to Goth, which I am, 'FUCK OFF' would be the first thing I invented, then at least one would have an answer for everything.

"But god, it is so dark" - FUCK OFF
"Spiders have 8 legs but I only have 2" - FUCK OFF
"If a chicken crossed a road, and.." - FUCK OFF

So, god had to get busy in his little workshop of creation, fashioning shite out of nothingness in a god-like way. However, things didn't go to plan as god invented spliffs and he shared a spliff with his best buddy, Lucifer.

"Dude, that is such a crock of shit" said Lucifer, at which point god said "FUCK OFF... I haven't invented you yet"

So god banished his smoking partner, Lucifer and decided to create earth and all the things upon it, in a general haphazard and somewhat stoned fashion.

'This will be so fucking funny' thought god but then his arse twitched, in a god-like manner.

Pulling his skids to the side he thought, 'this is going to be so fucking funny' but, he wanted a second opinion, and so he invented angels to get some feedback.

"Errr, god, this design for Norway doesn't really work"

FUCK OFF - *shazam*

"God - you've left drugs all over the planet"

FUCK OFF - *shazam*

oops, shouldn't have done that

"God, you know that" *ducking for cover* "this won't actually work"

FUCK OFF - *shazam*

GODLIKE TONE

I AM SENDING MY SON TO SORT THIS SHIT OUT, AND HE'S BRINGING CHOCOLATE AND RABBITS AND AVOIDING THE TREES I HAVE INVENTED AND NOT PASSING GO OR STUFF - AND IF YOU FUCKERS TRY TO MAKE A CRUCIFIX......

*Many people with beards nod and bow down in deference*

FUCK OFF - *shazam*

22 comentarios:

kimmyk dijo...

...and so it is written...

I wonder why GOD gave spiders 8 legs and only gave us 2. Why is that Goth? I know I know...

Fuck off KK! *shazam*

Sewmouse dijo...

"(God)decided to create earth and all the things upon it, in a general haphazard and somewhat stoned fashion.

'This will be so fucking funny' thought god "

Which entirely explains Giraffes, Zebras, Ibexes, Manatees and Flamingos.

SpanishGoth dijo...

Kimmy -> It's the 'Power Of Goth' - the FUCK OFF thing, I mean....Feel free to use it at any time :-)

Sewmouse -> god, being really busy and everything, ran out of time with certain things, like, snakes with no legs, cows that serve McDonuts and bats that said

"ooo fuck, I can't see and I'm flying blind"

It's OK, I've invented sonar"

*bats twittering - cool, look, a wall and I avoided it*

Dip-Dop-Crabtree dijo...

Ha ha! To go to hell are needed breeches fireproofed as Around Tazieff or if conscript Steven Seagal!

The leather risks to cook!

And then God created the woman, to remind us that the paradise exists! Without joke!

And I confirm that they give us ch' tits ends!
Go another idiocy!!
On all fours with my sweet(ma douce et tendre) (4+4 way tarantula), we looked a painting(cloth) on the small screen (TV)?? Spiderman that does not invent!!

SpanishGoth dijo...

Dip-Dop -> you are so crazy mon amie, mais, je voudrais le soleil les toujours ascensions en le coure

Sorry if my French is shit, tying to switch back to Spanish now

bananas62 dijo...

Goth, you f-ing kill me! your too funny... and the fact that he sent his son with Chocolate and bunnies... guy can't be that bad can he??

SpanishGoth dijo...

HA HA - bananas - you're resurrected !!!!!!

which is like an erection but different (still involves stiff things but more holy)

Tom Joad dijo...

Have you ever seen those deep-sea angler fish? That must've been a bad batch of Lebanon's finest that day.

Laura dijo...

I am glad I don't have 8 legs as that would mean 8 feet and I couldn't afford the shoes.

SpanishGoth dijo...

Tom -> Lebanon? that's a bit Human League isn't it

Laura -> you and your bloody shoes, said Mr Marcos

Laura dijo...

Would explain the hairstyles...

SpanishGoth dijo...

But not the beards

Daphne Wayne-Bough dijo...

God invented an infinity of ways to tell the human race to fuck off. Earthquakes, tsunamis, the mosquito, flood, plague, famine, disease ...

SpanishGoth dijo...

And they didn't bloody listen

foolish, puny humans

Dip-Dop-Crabtree dijo...

You are right Daphne! As he had not been able to supply us the " universal language ", he could not thus say it to us the guy, then he activates disaster " Of This Of There ", and everybody thinks of the climate change...

Goth my kept silent friend thinks that your French it is some shit!! And nevertheless I understands him .
Tú puede decírmelo en español yo te répndrai a pesar de todo, verás que mi español vale bien tu francés!!

It is crazy not ??

Peach dijo...

ha ha this design for norway doesn't really work ha ha

john.g. dijo...

God's a c*nt! I told our local vicar, when he said they had been praying for me, that it was one of his bosses fucking plants that fell on my car. He didn't reply! Tosser!

SpanishGoth dijo...

Dip-Dop -> It's called Esperanto

Peach -> love you baby

JG -> Steady on tiger - I will 'thunder' the fucker on your behalf

Cream dijo...

Goth, yours is the only blog where I can say "Fuck, fuck, fuck!" without blushing.

SpanishGoth dijo...

Blush away Cream - I guess it's a continental thing

Dip-Dop-Crabtree dijo...

You preach a convert!

The translations in other languages would be welcome
" Tradukoj al aliaj lingvoj estus bonvenaj "

verda_soldato

SpanishGoth dijo...

Dip-dop -> not being clever, get told off enough for that already but I will check out the Esperanto site :)