jueves, noviembre 23, 2006

Bar Staff

Don't you just love them? (if not, it's only because you're not the one getting served first). This *post* will be from a male perspective because....well, I am male. So, I love barmaids - and sometimes they love me right back. Not quite sure on the logistics of it but....

Too many years ago to remember, there was this blonde barmaid that lusted after me. I know this because (she told me so) and she used to stroke my bottom every time she walked past me. I know it sounds outrageous but it wasn't that there wasn't enough room to get past - she insisted on doing it when the pub was empty. She then asked if she could be my mistress - "get me a flat and you can come round anytime you want for anything you want - and yes I will do anything you want" etc. Yeah, like I have STUPID tattooed across my forehead.

Here, there are a number of establishments I frequent and all the barmaids know what I want (oo er) so I get 'served' really quickly. Back in Bruxelles, I had a similar deal. It's a pub life but someone has to do it. Switching to the other gender, barmen can be really cool too. When I was a student, I was one. Such great tips -> "touch my wife again and I'll kill you", "the Finnish Presidency is, well, sort of Finnish really".

Money is crap but you can't complain about the perks. Free food, free beer and an endless supply of lecherous customers to use, abuse or simply bar. Landlords/ladies are quite simply mad. I could drop a few names here but then the places I am still allowed into would get rather 'thin on the ground'.

On the down side, as a bar person, you have to listen to self-opiniated, whingeing malcontents - with a smile. "Another one Sir?" "Yes, the wife needs to be disciplined Sir" whilst thinking 'if you were any good at that making babies thing, you'd have babied her to sleep before you came out for a beer and I wouldn't have to listen to this shite'.

Little Book of Calm -> "Have calm thoughts. Picture calm scenes. Recall calm sounds" grrrrrrrr

Big Book of Madness -> "Onions cry too - stroke a penguin, but without getting chocolate on you - fat people make more noise...when dropped from a great height" - aaahhh, feel better now.


5 comentarios:

MKWM dijo...

My landlady is also mad, and I'm mad at her. But the topic here is barstewards, isn't it?

The Customer Service Manifesto says: you serve me, I don't serve you.

SpanishGoth dijo...

Landladies only do pubs. Landlord is the miserable twit that owns the property you rent (male, female or monkey).

Customer Service Manifesto 2 says: bite off what you can chew

Stones rule - can't always get what you want

MKWM dijo...

So, my landlord is mad, I'm mad at her and a boomerang I tossed a while ago just came back to me...
No, we can't always get what we want!

Tippler dijo...

There was a time when the only girls I ever went out with were barmaids.

Can't think why.

SpanishGoth dijo...

Quick tip - don't throw a boomerang, throw a stick. They never come back unless you have one of those 'dog' things that think it's really big and clever to bring back what you just threw away.

BBoM -> "Sticks are harmless, until one hits you on the head at velocity - when someone shouts DUCK stop looking for cute fuzzy bird and hit the ground - fast"