Angry (dark) gothic people might want to look away now.
It's my biggest fear/worry and concern. No matter how big or clever or intelligent I become, I can't do it all. I can't save everyone or everything and at times it makes me so bloody angry. What's the point in having all these abilities if you can't utilise them? Bit like being Superman but you can only fly if it's not raining. Heart says fly with umbrella - logic says, ha - 'watch me do that gravity thing again'!! Common sense says, check the weather report first.
I guess I should see a therapist but then again I know not (semantics maybe but I know it wouldn't help either of us).
Maybe, the knowledge that I have to return to a country I don't want to is making me sadder than I know. Perhaps, I'm just attending one too many funerals to be healthy. I know the Little Book of Calm is trying it's best to make me - shite, I don't know, it's not working (making me calm I mean).
I will deal with it - I always do. It's a part of being me. When in doubt - switch out all transmissions and focus on the day after the next. Not an ideal solution I agree but, the shite works.
For now I will concentrate on what's important...checking the weather report.
LBoC -> "Imagine every day is a holiday. Do one little thing that stimulates this holiday mood each day, then watch your worries fade away" - I'll fookin fade you away you hippy twat
BBoM -> Imagine you are being breast-fed by an Giant Panda, eat a book, fade into the background with a wavy-motion