Yikes - made a mistake and ran out of cigarettes. Not an issue to those of you that don't smoke, but trust me, when you do smoke and run out at 4am it's not fooking funny. I'd already closed my brain down and it's like having to reboot just for some nicoteine.
Where do you buy cigs at 4am on a Sunday in Spain?
So, once the brain had booted up S69 second edition - I thought, well, what did I do the last time this happened? Gaarrgh - system crashed and I had to start all over.
What's open 24 hours a day? Pharmacies..they sell drugs ergo they must sell cigarettes. Apparently not. Then, an epiphany - bloody hotels. They always have cigarettes (apart from that one in Praha which had lots of prostitutes instead -'yeah, I'll take 20 menthol blonde please!')
Just my luck, the first hotel, manned by the one-armed idiot from hell doesn't know and doesn't care. I would be angry except for the fact that he never once switched to english or even spanglish.
Ok, brain - do that 'thinky' stuff. "Follow the Noise" it said. Yeah, great idea you cerebral moron, that's why things get squashed on the road. "No, the noise of laughter and discos". Fat chance - like I'd even get in a disco.
"AHA" my hormones shouted. "Got it" said the brain, and eventually it fell into place (the idea, not the brain or hormones - they're still out of whack).
"Go to where the people are, there must be a kebab shop or something equally horrid". Lo and behold, there was and they sell cigs to weirdos wandering around at 4am - result! Unfortunately (and it's a karma thing) for everything good, something bad must balance it.
In my nicoteine quest I had to see girls, virtually naked (great, these see-through sunglasses), Guys poncing around acting like they are the best thing since .. this is the funny bit - you float up behind them and shout "BOO". I would have laughed but that's not Gothic at all.
Little Book Of Calm -> "If you substitue a herbal tea such as peppermint for more stimulating drinks such as coffee and tea, your ability to be calm will be enhanced many times"...yeah, and what if I don't? What if I drink coffee forever and am still cool?
Big Book of Madness -> Walk into a wall and wait for someone to ask "are you alright?" - laugh and declare that you were just testing the laws of physics (harder to get away with if you stink of alcohol but...)