As I have been drinking for more than 25 years now (not constantly - one does require sleep, sex etc) I feel I can postulate on my theories with some degree of expertise. To explain I have compiled this list along with explanations in English.
1) The degree of consumption is inversely proportional to the level of intelligence. -> the more you drink, the stupider you get. Sad but true. Bear in mind the phrase 'It seemed like a good idea at the time' - it's your 'get out of jail free' card and you may well need it.
2) There is a marked increase in the number of attractive people in any one place which correlates to consumption increasing -> stange how this one works. Walk into a bar and everyone is ugly. Five pints later and the place is full of attractive people. Ten pints later, it's like you have entered a beauty pageant. Until the morning afterwards and you wake up next to "gaaarrrgh - I didn't did I?".
3) The world is just a great big onion. -> Marvin Gaye has a lot to answer to over this song. He made some of the most beautiful songs ever and then came up with this. Unfortunately, after a few drinks this is the one you will be singing whilst attempting to climb out of the ditch you fell into on your way home.
4) Reality is a concept. -> speaks for itself really - or the Vodka/Whisky you're drinking tells you *hic* it's a conchept *hic*. 'Go on, just one more for the ditch!'.
5) Quality and quantity are relative in the space/time continuum. -> the first drink is quality, if it's not, then you are already aiming for a quantity type thing with predictably disastrous results.
6) 'Blame transferral' is healthy - not a bad idea as some 'do-gooders' / psychologists would have you believe. -> when all else fails, revert to rule 1 - it was a good idea at the time or "wasn't my idea - Kevin, Dave or erratic badgers on acid, thought it would be fun". Just keep repeating the mantra - not my fault - evil made me do it.
7) Laws of physics still apply although it doesn't seem that way at the time. -> flying seems a great idea. I mean Superman could do it in his 'skids'. However tempting it seems after imbibing alcohol - don't. The results are always disastrous. Physics rule - great ideas crash into trees.
8) Moderation is for people with no money. -> all men are created equal - bah humbug. Give me Gates's money and maybe we'll talk. Meantime, money for beer is all I need. The sex thing is nice if somewhat diverting.
9) All pandas are created equal. -> well, apart from the female/male panda thing. They all eat bamboo shoots. Jeez - the things that keep me awake at night.
10) Last orders were invented by Satan and don't apply outside the UK. -> ha. I'm so sorry about this one....NOT. Knew there was a reason I didn't want to live there anymore.
a luego *hic*,